DAY 9 (LOLA'S 12 DAYS OF XMAS)

Morning

I had another bout of throwing up again from 8 am this morning. This time, I locked myself in my bathroom so that Mom won't catch me unawares. She would immediately sniff the truth if she caught me throwing up again another day. Afterwards, I brushed my teeth thoroughly to kill the bile taste in my mouth. I do my usual skin ritual and had a warm bath. I went to the in built mirror on the wall beside my wardrobe to do a thorough check up of my body. I locked the door to my room first so no one would barge in on me.

My stomach was still flat but I noticed a slight bump like I had overfed my self or was I seeing double? I turned to my side to see if really I was growing a bump; it was there like it wasn't there at all. I placed my hands on my breasts, feeling their weight. They were slightly heavy, not bigger than normal but just slightly heavy. My nipples were bigger and tender. All of a sudden, the consciousness that I was carrying another life inside of me overwhelmed me and I started trembling. I had a tornado of emotions running through me; I was angry, scared, sad and confused.  I knew then that I had messed up real bad.

How I did I allow this happen? I had been so confident and sure that my pills were working. I had taken an injection to stop my monthly flow for a while and it was when the six months duration had expired that I consulted my doctor to put me on the pills. Is it possible that just missing the pill for once could cause this misfortune to happen to me?

"There's only one way to this Lola. Get rid of it" I said to myself and started dressing up to go out. If I'm going to do this, I have to do this today.

........................

I had just packed a bag with an extra cloth, undies, and my laptop. I unlocked the door and stepped out of the room but then, I forgot my car keys so I went back inside to get them. Just when I had picked them up, Tinu walked into my room teary eyed. She had probably cried herself to sleep as well. I was surprised when I saw her cos I hadn't heard her open the door.

"Why didn't you mention any of it to me Sister Lola?" she said tearfully
"Mention what?" I asked irritated. I was in a foul mood already. My predicament was giving me enough headache and Tinu wants to come and add hers.
She sniffed and said "That you dated Darey back in the University"
I answered impatiently "Well, as you said 'back in the University', that's in the past"
"You think so? Oh my God! I can't believe I've been married to someone who sees you when he looks at me." she sniffed again
"What do you mean Tinu? Look I don't have time for this. I've got an appointment somewhere." I started walking towards the door but she stopped me midway.
"No sister Lola. You don't get to leave. Look at you, your life is so perfect. You have it all, you're beautiful and sexy, you don't lack anything, you can have any man you want so why won't Darey marry me? To be closer to you since he couldn't have you even if you dumped him. So, I'm like the substitute that he gets to settle for!"

I was surprised and disappointed that she would interpret things that way so I lashed out at her.

"Shut the hell up Tinu! Shut your mouth before I shut it up for you! Jeez! you are so selfish! You always want everything to be about you. You think I dumped him because I wanted to? I had to hustle so that we could have a life. Dad was broke remember? And he kept on falling sick until he died. Mom couldn't afford to give you an education so I had sex my way to Lebanon, sex my way to survive while there  and also sex my way to pay for my Masters so that you too could have an education. I was tired of the lack we suffered Tinu.

I didn't inform Darey that I was leaving cos he won't understand and when I returned, he had married you. What was I to do then huh?! Yank him away from you?" I was shedding tears now. Tinu looked shocked but I didn't stop, I continued. I just needed to purge myself off this anger burning in my chest.

"You've got no idea how hard it was to pleasure those greedy men so they could release their money." I paused and looked at her then added, "Darey loves you Tinu. I'm a cold bitch and he knows it. I don't love him, I don't even think I can love any man anymore. Not even a baby. Everything I have now, is as a result of the tough decisions I had to make and I don't regret any of it."

I leaned against the door to catch my breath. I felt fatigue all of a sudden. Our voices had been loud as we shouted as each other but I didn't care. Tinu took slow steps towards me and said carefully,

"I'm so sorry Sister Lola. I didn't know you went through all of that for us but you've got to keep that baby inside you and love it cos it will bring you happiness"
"It's none of your business Tinu. Stay out of this" I replied

At that point, Mom barged into the room with a dumbfounded expression on her face. She had probably heard the noise coming from my room and had come to check. I am done for.

"Which baby?" she asked

None of us spoke and she shouted,

"Which baby?!

Tinu quickly answered, "Lola is pregnant"
Mom jumped as she shouted again "Jesu! E seun o! (Jesus, thank you!)"

She put her hand on my breasts and after some seconds, she removed it and said smiling,

"it's still young but it's growing. Oh Ife mi! God bless you! You've made me so happy?"
"I'm not keeping it Mom. I'm getting rid of it" I said looking her straight in the eye.

Before I knew it, I felt a heavy slap on my face. It was so unexpected that I staggered and started crying. Mom started shouting furiously.

"Abi o nya were ni?!(Are you mad?) Do you think you are still a child? Do you know how many women are out there looking for children?! Lola if you do anything to that child I will disown you! Oponu!"

I heard the voices of Darey and Tinu pleading with Mom to calm down but she kept ranting. Then she shocked everyone. She called Bayo to bring the food she had prepared for me for breakfast, then she told everyone to go out, she locked me inside my room and went out with the key.

I ate the food and out of exhaustion, I fell into a deep sleep.
....................

Evening

I'm under house arrest. I can't even open the door to the room except Mom unlocks it which she didn't. I saw my dinner of yam porridge with some fruit Salad on my dressing table and ate it soberly. I'm brooding on what to do but nothing comes to my head. All I feel now is fear.

DAY 8 (LOLA'S 12 DAYS OF XMAS)

Morning.

I woke up this morning feeling terribly nauseous. My night was restless cos I had been feverish. I checked for the time; it was just 7 am. I tried standing up to go to the bathroom but I felt really light headed and dizzy so I relaxed back on the bed. I turn on the Tv just for some distraction from the way I was feeling but before I knew it, I saw myself on the floor of my bathroom throwing up. By the time I was done, I was too weak to get up. I stayed there for some time and dosed off cos the spasm kept shaking me up and I kept throwing up.

.................

Noon

I open my eyes to find myself on my bed. There was a cool towel on my fore head, Mom was beside me muttering some prayers under her breath, Tinu was just ushering the kids out of my room while Darey was seated opposite my bed and watching me intently. Our eyes met and he immediately stood up with his stethoscope. Mom noticed the movements and she as well quickly turned to face me whilst thanking God audibly now.

"Oluwa ese o! Lola, bawo ni ara e nsi?  (Thank you God! Lola, how are you feeling now)?"
I tried sitting up as I replied. "o re mi Mami.  (I'm tired) What happened?" I asked
"I found you collapsed on your bathroom floor after waiting for you to come out all morning. Oh! Thanks to God, you're alright" she was touching my head with the back of her hand
"All morning?!" I asked feeling too weak to express how baffled I was. I checked the wall clock, it was 2 pm.

Darey who had been standing aside and watching us talk cleared his throat "Ehem. Mami, please go and prepare pepper soup for her while I do another checkup on her. Don't worry, she'll be alright"
"Ok. Lola, mo pa da bo. (I'm coming back) Let me go and prepare the food"
I nodded then she left.

Darey inserted the stethoscope in his ears and started checking my pulse. Afterwards, he sat at the foot of the bed looking at me as if waiting for a signal to talk. I was looking at him warily as well then tired of the mind games we were playing, I broke the silence.

"Alright, what is it?"
He ignored the acidic tone I used and answered "What did you eat yesterday Lola?"
"Fried rice and shrimps. Why?"
He was quiet as he took notes on his tab.
"Do you think I had food poisoning? Cos if it's the shrimps, it was properly cooked"
He stopped and looked at me, sighed and then said, "No Lola, you didn't have food poisoning, you're pregnant. You should avoid eating shrimps again."

My jaw dropped down. It's not true, it can't be, it's impossible. I laughed hysterically. Darey was looking at me like I was crazy.

"Listen Dr. Darey Adeola, I had food poisoning, I passed out, I'm awake now and I'm alright. Thank you but you're wrong."
Darey shook his head "Lola, you're pregnant and it's nine weeks old. You should be happy."
I looked at him with so much hate before shouting "Shut up Darey! Shut up your bloody lying mouth! I am not pregnant! And let me not hear a word of this outside this room else, you're done."
"What is your problem Lola?! Aren't you tired of being alone?! Now God has been kind enough to bless you with a gift of child and you're here rejecting it? How selfish can you get?!"

That enraged me and I stood up as I released the pent up emotion that had been eating me up

"You dare call me selfish? You dare call me selfish?! You who left me for my younger sister dare call me selfish? You're a sick joke!"
"Really? You think so? Well first, I had no idea she was your sister. Second, what did you expect me to do? We were an item on campus for three years then after graduation, you disappeared without a word. What was I to do Lola? Tell me.''
"Even at that, why did it have to be Tinu? Why?" I shouted again
"Because she healed my heart. She made loving a woman easy for me again. I never even knew she was your sister cos you never introduced me to your family."

I broke down to the floor and started crying and Darey came around to my side of the bed. He put a hand on my shoulder and said,

"What happened wasn't anyone's fault Lola. Maybe God had other plans for us. I don't regret marring Tinu and I'm sure you've been happy with your life just as I am with mine"

I didn't answer him. I shrugged off his hand from my shoulder and at that point, Tinu walked into the room. I and Dare looked up together and before we could say anything, she went out again and Darey went after her. I couldn't understand the look I had seen on her face but somehow, I didn't feel bad that she had possibly heard our conversation. I felt bad for myself; for dragging out long buried corpses from the shadows of my memory.

.........................

Evening

I didn't go out of my room throughout today. Thankfully, Darey and Tinu had been quiet about the news of my pregnancy so when Mom had brought the pepper soup to my room, I didn't notice any change in her mood. She had stayed with me for a while after I refused going to the living room for fresh air. She had served me dinner again, avoiding adding any sea food as Darey had advised her. He had told her I was allergic to sea food so she made my dinner with chicken instead.

.......................

Left alone, I ponder on the news about my pregnancy. How did I miss the signs? I stood up and went to my mirror to properly look at myself. Yes, my flat tummy is same and my body still looked same if not, Mom would have noticed the difference but how did this happen? Yeah, the last time I had had sex without my pills was in October but I had used them as usual in November. how did this happen? Oh no! I'm not ready, I've never been ready and I don't think I'll ever be ready to be a Mom to some tiny being who'll be helplessly dependent on me for life. I can't do this. I have to get rid of this immediately before Mom finds out.

I went back to bed and cried myself to sleep.

DAY 5 (LOLA'S 12 DAYS OF XMAS)

Morning

Today's Sunday, my favorite day of the week when I'm at my house but my worse when I'm at Moms'. Why? you'll ask. Well, you'll know in a bit. The noise from the living room had woken me up so as I grumbled to my bathroom, I heard the familiar voices I have been dreading to hear since I got here. Mom's relatives are here! Oh no! I thought they won't come at all since I didn't see them yesterday. There's Iya Bola, Iya Asake, Mama Eko, Mama Ibadan and Mummy Leke; all of them big women (literally). All five women are my inevitable contemporary nightmare. They never miss Christmas at Mom's which is a tradition they had started to keep her company as well as assist her with the festive cooking ever since Dad died. Initially, I saw it as a good intention cos they had to leave their homes and come to stay with Mom on the 24th and 25th then, they would go back and return again on the 30th to help her with the cooking for the new year. Not like Mom needed the help really but, it was something they started and it sort of stuck. Now I call them my nightmare because, the only thing they usually hammered on during their stay is the need for me to "find a husband and settle down".  

As if they can hear my thoughts, the door to my room barged open and all five of them wobbled in, in the fullness of their weights and the next thing I hear is,

"Lola O! Omo da da! (good child)" Mama Eko the leader of the gang hailed me in her familiar boisterous way while the others were raining prayers and blessings on me
"Ah! Mummy! Ekaro Ma! I politely knelt to greet

Mama Ibadan the second in command took over,

"emi yin a gun (may you live long)
 owo yin ama po sin (may you continue to be wealthy)
olorun ase oko fun e (may God give you your own husband)
Olorun ase omo re fun e (may God bless you with good children)
ni oruko Jesu! (in Jesus name')
"Amin!" we all chorused

I was amused and upset cos I know what would follow next. I thanked them and told them I needed to use the bathroom but they didn't budge. As if they didn't hear me, they sat down on the bed and Iya Asake started her sermon.

"Lola, kilo se le na? (what's happening?) We have been waiting for the day you will bring good news that your wedding date is ready but till now, nothing. Time waits for no one o! Hian!"

Iya Bola that has six children all of which are married chipped in, "Even, at this your age, you should have three kids by now and later, you can add three more like me"

I had to say something so I spoke up with a serious face with the hope of scaring them away, but they weren't deterred.

"Ese my Mummies but, I'm not ready to be married yet. Asides that, I don't like children. They're a huge stress. If I have to take care of even one, I won't be able to take care of myself the way I like"

At that, they looked at each other in surprise before bursting into laughter. They laughed to their fill before Mummy Leke who is more educated and has only one child, cleared her throat and said calmly,

"Lola, children are gifts from God and no matter how much stressful it is to raise a child, they are the insurance that God plants in our lives to take care of our old age. You'll never know until you experience it. Look at me, my husband is dead but I have Leke who built me a house and flies me abroad whenever I want. And look at you, look at how you're holding this family together! You are very stubborn but you are a gift to your mother. You shouldn't hate children that way my dear"

I sighed. What a speech! But, I'm not moved. So, I made another attempt to bail myself out.

"Mo ti gbo Ma but I'm okay being on my own without a husband. At least, I have my own house, cars, a business that's thriving and a secure job. I'm complete and I'm not complaining."

Mama Eko shouted, "Ha! Oponu! (stupid girl) Who has been brain washing you Lola? No woman is complete without a man! That is why God created everything as male and female. No matter how accomplished a woman is, she still needs a man! Abi you have turned Lezzy ni?" She looked at the others and they all slapped each other's arm laughing.

I turned red with anger and then went into the bathroom and locked the door. They can stay there and laugh off their fat asses, I'm not having that conversation anymore.

..........................

Noon

It was the close of service in Church and people were coming to greet my family or rather me specifically cos after the usual, "God bless you Mrs. Peters" they said to Mom, and "Hope you enjoyed service Mummies" they said to my aunts, they would turn their full attention on me and bombard me with questions. Since I went off to University, I had stopped attending service here except on occasions like Christmas. It got really exhausting and I excused myself from the group to wait in my car. As I was walking out, one of the pastor's wife was walking towards me and on recognizing her, I tried taking another door but she called my name, so I went back.

You see this woman, I don't like her. She's very judgmental and she has a knack for scolding young girls about the way they dressed, walked, or even laughed in church. She used to scold me a lot as a teenager and had asked me several times if I was still a virgin because, according to her, I have the look of a temptress. There was even once she made me cry home because of the short dress I was wearing. It wasn't like I enjoyed wearing short dresses back then but, I was growing taller everyday and my clothes were getting shorter. My parents couldn't afford to be buying me clothes all the time so I had to manage what I had to church and this women right here made me suffer for it. So today, I'm ready for her. I'm gonna make her cry.

I turned around and greeted her, "Good afternoon Deaconess Peace"
"Oh Lola! It's good to have you worship with us again, once in a year as usual" she said and smiled charmingly

I noticed the sarcasm in her statement and waited to hear more before I strike back

"Quick one though, your gown, it's really short and I noticed it caused a lot of distractions during service. You should wear something longer next time. You know, you're a threat to some sisters here. What with your shape and beauty. We don't want to cause husbands to cheat on their wives now with you being a single sister do we? I hope you understand" she smiled nervously

Oh yes! exactly what I wanted her to say. I went for the kill.

"You know what, I think you need Jesus in your miserable life. So all through service, instead of you to look up to God, you were looking at my ass! You're just a frustrated housewife with a low self esteem who goes about picking on young women who's achieved more than you'll ever dream of achieving in your lifetime. The next time you see me, run or else, I lock you up for even sniffing the air I breathe. Now piss off!" With that, I walked away, smiling triumphantly. The shock on her face just served me a sumptuous lunch.

Thankfully, Darey brought his sienna car so, there was room for everyone to ride home together. I think I'm beginning to love Sundays at Moms'.

............................

Evening

The living room was full. Everyone was eating and gisting about life in general while Mom was really ecstatic cos I was also having a meal of Amala and eforiro for the first time since the five days I've been home. Tinu and I still ignore each other but we exchange polite words in front of my aunts cos if they got a whiff that we weren't on talking terms, hell will break loose.

My leg was healed so I was really comfortable as I ate my cat fish while pressing my phone then I heard Darey talking. I didn't catch the beginning of what he was saying so I had to pause and listen attentively.

"... Tinu made loving a woman easy for me. I didn't have to pursue her around town and for that, I appreciate her everyday."

Everyone laughed and "Awwwed" as the two love birds blew kisses to each other. I feigned talking on the phone and left the living room to my room. My chest burned so I went to the bathroom, washed my hand and then dialed Jeff's number. He had put it on roaming so I could reach him. He picked on the second ring.

"Hey Sweet pea!" he said
"Hi. How's the meeting going?"
"Going great. How are you?" he sounded concerned
"Don't worry. I need more wipes from the Victoria Secrets Store. Get five packs for me"
"Lolly, what's wrong? Your voice is trembling. What happened this time?"
"Why the hell are you so intrusive! Can't you just take a simple instruction and let me be?!" I screamed
"Look, I've known you long enough to know that when you're upset. you ask for things that you already have like the wipes. You bought a carton last month when we visited Dubai, remember? So tell me, what's making you upset?"
I was so pissed I hung up on him.

He was right. He knew me that well and it's annoying. I just wanted to let of some steam and there he is acting Mr. caring. Did I ask him for the concern? Oh please!

...........................

I lay on my bed thinking about tomorrow. Tomorrow's Xmas and the activity in this house will be crazy. I better start planning on how to escape.

DAY 4 (LOLA'S 12 DAYS OF XMAS)

Morning.

It's day 4 and I'm still alive, thankfully. Today's Saturday and everyone's awake already. Bayo's seriously cleaning the compound as is traditional for us to clean the house every Xmas period. Before Dad died, that responsibility fell on Tinu and I. It wasn't mandatory but it was fun as we used that opportunity to play around and also cause more mess which we ended up cleaning up anyways, with Dad's help of course. We would bring out all our old clothes, toys, books including stuffs we didn't need anymore in the house and put them all in a bag for those that needed it on the streets. It wasn't like we have so much but Mom said it was necessary to give even if we had little so, the tradition stuck.

Today, Bayo does that cleaning. I can't see myself doing all of that wahala anymore so, I had suggested to Mom that instead of giving out the old stuff, we could just go shopping for new stuff and then take then to the motherless babies home so they too can experience a real Christmas where everything smelt and tasted brand new. Mom had been ecstatic and had completely owned the idea. So, like an alarm clock, every two days before Christmas, she would remind me of the "Charity Trip" as she called it. I detest going to the market which is why I employed a personal shopper that goes to the local market for my groceries but Mom would never hear of it. For her, if you want to do good, do it yourself and do it well.

So, as I walked into the kitchen all freshened up for breakfast, I met Tinu preparing her kids's meal. She greeted me politely but turned back to focus on what she was doing or better still, ignore me. I answered her and went straight to the fridge to get some eggs. I felt like a heavy breakfast today because of the task ahead so I waited for her to finish before going ahead to prepare scrambled eggs filled with carrots, green pepper, spring onions, tomatoes and green peas to go with two slices of yam.

I was halfway through my meal when Mom walked in all dressed up as well with her note pad and pencil. She had eaten already thus she sat looking at me. I became uncomfortable and asked her,

"What Mami?"
"Lola, are you alright?"
"Yes of course. Why do you ask?"
She looked around her before replying "Well, Darey is here..."
"Oh..." I said feeling a sour taste in my mouth "ehn...I know" I answered keeping a straight face
"Lola, whatever Tinu said to you, ejor, ema binu. So ti gbo (please, don't be angry. Did you hear me?)?" Mom said holding her breath
"Mo ti gbo Ma (I've heard you Ma)" I said as I stood up to drop my plate in the sink.
"Ese Ife mi. Oya, eje alo (Thanks my love. Come on, let's go)" she said and started going out.

I picked up my car keys from the kitchen table, pondering on what she had said and then followed her out.

.........................

Noon.

Boundary Market was crowded. It was like a convergence of the world's population to shop for Christmas and that got me a lot of feet stepping, shoulder bumping and a lot of "Ah, sorry Aunty Oyinbo". I was pissed and irritated  cos each time an "Alabaru" (human mule at local markets) was approaching with a heavy basin of goods, I would see myself being tossed aside like a leaf by Mom from the road so I don't get crushed. The funny but annoying thing is, I don't know how she did it but she was untouchable in the crowd. It was like her big bombom was a defender against the pushes from the crowd. I felt cheated all of a sudden. I've got ass too; the kind of J Lo's ass that stays put forever but in this situation, it seemed useless. What a life!

All through, Mom kept complaining about the cost of everything; from the price of a bag of rice to a carton of noodles, oil, tomatoes, live goats, chickens, children's wears, shoes, and toiletries. I wasn't really bothered cos I haven't been to a market in the last seven years, since I started work at Trans International. So, I usually budget a million naira for the shopping and then I give another one million in cash to the manager of the Home. I do this for three Homes every year so, I'm used to Mom's complaint since the past four years we started.

Oops! I forgot to add, you see, Mom's very superstitious and it cracks me up every time she reminds me of what I have to do this period. When I clocked thirty,  she started panicking that I was still single without kids so, she decided on three homes as the significance for three kids that she wanted me to bear like Tinu.  Oh! there's another thing too! I have to kneel for all the kids at the Homes to lay hands on me and pray for me. She believes that the prayers of the children will usher in a good man that can tolerate my excesses. Seriously Mom? Oh lawd!

.........................

Evening

I was terribly exhausted by the time we drove into the compound by 7: 30 pm. I was staggering, I felt stiff with aches all over and so leaned against my car to feel my legs while waiting for Bayo to offload the foodstuff we had bought for the festivities from the boot.  I locked up the car afterwards and as I was about moving, I hit my right foot against something. The pain was so intense, I let out a loud scream as my feet buckled to the ground. Everyone rushed out of the house and were talking all at once. I couldn't hear them cos my major concern was if I had ruined my nails. I had and was bleeding. I looked at what I had hit and realized that it was the huge stone that Bayo usually used to wedge the gate after locking it. I became furious.

"Bayo! Se o fe lati pa mi? (do you want to kill me?)!"
Bayo looked like a scared cat as he stuttered in response "Ejo Aunty mi, ema binu. Epele Ma. Ema binu...(Aunty please don't be angry. I'm sorry)" he kept saying over and over again
"Gbe nu e dake jare! (shut up!)" I shouted in pain

Mom was shouting at Bayo to roll the stone away before someone else got hit, Tinu was saying "Epele" over and over again as she led the startled kids into the house while Darey was at my side helping me to my feet. I felt uncomfortable and hopped precariously as he led me into the house. Mom had quickly gone into the kitchen to mix hot water which coincidentally, was on the cooker boiling, with some disinfectant and  a towel . She was about kneeling and massaging my leg when Darey told her that he would do it instead. Mom argued a bit as usual but he had his way.

"You really need to rest Mami. Please, let me handle this okay?"
"Okay. Ese oko mi (thanks my husband)" she said and left

That left Darey and I in the kitchen alone. I was quiet as he busied himself with massaging the spot which was swollen and had turned an angry red now. Darey is a doctor so he knew what he was doing as he focused on the swollen area with an ointment I hadn't noticed he carried.

"You'll be alright now Lola. The balm will reduce the swell before morning. It will hurt till tomorrow but you'll be able to walk properly again by Christmas day". He finished but he was looking intently at me as if expecting me to say something else but I kept a poker face and nodded.

"Thanks Darey. I appreciate your help." then I got up and made to leave for my room but he quickly stood and held my arm but I cringed from him as I said,

"Don't worry, I've got this." I limped away
"Lola, let me help you. Please..." his look of pity strengthened my resolve and I answered over my shoulder
"Nobody can help me Darey. Good night"

.......................

Jeff didn't call again today but I wasn't bothered. I knew he was travelling today to  Dubai to meet with a client whom he had wanted to put on hold till the new year so he could spend Christmas with me but since I refused, he had rescheduled the meeting. Oh well, another eventful day it's been. Oh God, please tone it down. I don't even know what to expect anymore...