Ladies; Do You Really Want to Get Married? (THIS ISN'T A FEMINIST POST!)

Hey Ladies!

Happy fabulous weekend again!

Yes, I'm back with my usual musing and today, I'll be sharing something that's been a brain breaker for me. This post stems from the numerous falsities we see everyday. I'm talking about couples who pose to be happy in the public's eye while inside their homes, it's a physical or mental warfare. I'm also referring to the numerous planned or unplanned public proposals we see everyday on and offline. Most of these people get so carried away with the thrill of being spot on and just because, they don't want to be left out of the numbers of ladies who've been publicly proposed to, they accept, or they don't want to disgrace the guy proposing, they accept whilst panicking within them, wondering if they are ready for what's to come. Some people rush out after 3 months, 6 months or 1 year.

But before I continue, here are some questions I want us to answer as honestly as possible. Let's be real. Don't be shy, don't answer "nicely" or "sadly" cos you're scared someone that knows you will recognize you and talk about you. Just let it out so we can all learn. If society, our family, friends, the church and all institutions that stands for "morality" didn't deem it fit the norm for every young woman to get married at a certain age, would you ever consider getting married? Would you ever consider sharing your time, your space, your secrets, your truths, your lies, your weakness, your strengths, your flaws, your perfections, your thoughts, your mind, your needs, your wants, your ambitions, your fears, your dreams, your achievements, your beauty, your body, your soul and your heart with just one person for the rest of your life? For those of you who are already married; if you knew what you know now before you ever got married, if you knew who your spouse really is way before you ever married them, if you knew the reality of what it entails being a mother, a wife and a married woman, would you have ever gotten married?👧

I for one have thought about these questions in the past and currently, I'm still thinking about them cos according to societal standards, I'm ripe for marriage. In the past; it was one of my key prayer points to get married at the age of 25. The plan was this;

1. Get admission into school at the age of 18 (cos I finished secondary school at the age of 16)
2. Graduate University at age 21
3. Finish NYSC at age 22/23 (meet my husband in the process)
4. Do my Masters between age 23/24
5. Get married at age 25! 

LOL

What a plan I had!

Sorry, it didn't work out that way (don't ask what happened) and strangely, I'm glad it didn't cos I wouldn't know the things I know now, I probably wouldn't be a blogger, I probably wouldn't be doing what I want to do now, I probably would be nursing a mini me or doing God knows what. I don't know but I'm glad I'm not yet married. Sounds weird right? You might be thinking, "how can she be 28, still unmarried but yet happy?" or "she's just consoling herself cos she's almost late". Lol. That's totally not the case here. This is a case of finding the self , the exhilarating feeling of self discovery, the joy of setting new priorities plus working towards new goals for a great future. 

I've given much thought about the questions I asked and the truth is, it's tough. Marriage isn't just a decision you make because you have butterflies in your tummy, it's not about your instincts telling you to "just do it", it's not about society pressurizing you to "hurry up and settle down!", it's not about your family comparing you to "your mates who already have three kids while you're still stewing in the old maid's room", it's not about what people generally say or will say about your time and status, it's basically all about YOU. YOU will need to be mentally, emotionally, psychologically and financially (realistically, to some extent) prepared to be involved in such a commitment. YOU will be the one giving your ALL to someone as well as taking on that person's ALL too. YOU will be the one shedding yourself to create an entirely new YOU for a new set of people. YOU will be the one giving up your body for housing and producing new helpless beings that'll be dependent on your sanity to exist and YOU will have to learn to become the manager of a micro community of persons called "family". Are you ready for this?

I have a married friend in her early thirties who would always say that she wished she had waited just a little bit more before settling down. According to her, it's sweet the first one year, then afterwards, you start seeing things you never knew that your partner had. And sometimes when you feel like running back to your old self, your family and society reminds you that you had sworn to remain there for better for worse. If you ever even considered a divorce, the stigma of becoming a single mother would have demoralized you before you even started thinking about the hardship that awaits you outside your home . She would also complain about her body which had changed so much since birthing her kids. For her, she thought she was ready for the change but after having two kids, she realized there was no going back.

She's doing pretty great for herself but I guess marriage has a million ways of taking you unawares. What you think isn't what you end up getting, forget the WOW things you see on TV and on the internet. But all the same, it's different strokes for different folks. Her story might be this way but other ladies might have a different tale to tell, who knows?

So if you ask me if I really want to get married and have kids, I'll say yes BUT, I want to be mentally, emotionally and psychologically prepared for such a commitment. I want to be able to come to terms with the fact that my body will become a safe haven to a person or persons, I want to do it on my own terms and not because there is pressure from anywhere or anyone and I think these things are key before taking such a leap in life. 

So; to all single ladies, considering the few things stated here,  DO YOU REALLY WANT TO GET MARRIED? Drop your comments in the comments section below and feel free to share this post. If you have any experience to share, please do so freely and let's learn more.

Cheers!

 

6 WAYS TO ENJOY A GIRLS NIGHT OUT

Where my ladies at?!

If you've been struggling to organize and enjoy a girls night out with your girlfriends, this post is totally for you. As I wrote this post, I remembered a lot of events that happened in 2014 before I went for NYSC and I'm going to use one of them here so, brace yourselves with your popcorn and get ready as I bless you with 6 amazing ways to enjoy a girls night out.

First of, what's a girls night out? For the benefit of those who are talented in creating figurative definitions to things that should be understood literally, let's take a shot at giving a clear definition.

A Girls Night Out simply means, an evening or night that two or more girls have chosen and agreed to go somewhere (it could be a party, a club, a bar, an event, movies, etc) and have fun. Simple! Usually, the idea behind this arrangement is to unwind from the stress of their daily activities and to catch up on their various life events. This is supposed to be a good avenue to breathe, detox the mind and bond  but sometimes, it ends up turning out crazy as in place of the positive vibes that spurred the initiation of the arrangement, negative vibes are birthed. Relationships are either strengthened or weakened when such negativity sets in. So, how do you enjoy a girls night out?

1. Agree on a venue ahead of time

This is really important to avoid confusion. I've had an occasion where I and some course mates back in University decided on a girls night out. It a spur of the moment decision and that evening turned out to be a disaster. We kept touring from one bar to another looking for space. It was more frustrating cos, exams was over and students had taken over most of the happening (affordable) spots around. We ended up going back to the hostel in out party frocks like kids who had missed Santa.  It was crazy that day cos we couldn't afford to go to the more expensive spots in town.

2. Budget

You shouldn't be ashamed of talking about the money aspect instead of just the fun. Remember, quality fun doesn't come cheap except someone volunteers to foot the bill. But, where there's no "Miss big spender", please respect yourselves and prepare your money in advance. Some ladies go out and hope to catch the attention of a generous dude that will buy them drinks. Hmm, if only you know that the fairy god- mother of "oshofree" also gets pissed at ladies who like free things. Point is, plan ahead and save up some cash to have quality fun. You just might be lucky to meet someone who will pay the bills but still, have some cash.

3. Agree on a dress code

This might seem irrelevant but trust me, it is REALLY important. Us ladies know this too well. Admiration for a fellow woman's outfit could turn sour when the admirer feels less in her own outfit. I've seen situations where a group of girls would agree on a hang out and then one of them could go like "just wear what you like" and then when they meet, everyone might dress down save for the one that made that statement. She could be looking like she's going for a red carpet event while the rest would be looking like her glam squad. Lol.  Truth is, others would feel uncomfortable except the most dressed up who might also end up feeling out of place or overly dressed for the occasion. So, best thing to do is to agree if everyone should go on jeans, gowns, dresses, or whatever. Your outfits doesn't have to be the same, but it could either be casual or seriously sexy.

4. Please be cheerful, try not to outshine your girlfriends!

Now this is where I get to share my experience to back up this tip. I once visited my "Bestie" where she was serving cos I hadn't started serving then. I was a fresh graduate and working so, I would visit her on some weekends when I was bored. It happened that on one of those evenings I arrived at her house, she was preparing for a "girls night out" organized by one of her friends and neighbour. So my Bestie introduced me to her as well as a third girl who was present there and we all chattered excitedly like we had known one another for ages.

When we got to the location, Kim (fake name) changed her countenance all of a sudden. She became cold and all business like towards us. In fact, she left us at the gate and went straight inside the venue. Then after some minutes, she came out again and shouted "oya nau! you girls should hurry please. I don't have time for this" then she walked inside again. The three of us looked at one another, dumb founded. When we got inside, Kim never laughed or shared a joke with us.  The outing was a disaster and my Bestie was livid with anger for even bringing me out to witness such "nonsense" as she put it.

Morale of the story is; Dear Ladies, if you're gonna go for a night out, please be cheerful, smile and fine tune your mind to have fun!. Try not to out shine your girl friends and stop acting like you're all competing for attention. The idea is to pass around positive energy and not give anyone the impression that you're boss over your other girlfriends.

5. Avoid Emotional breakdowns

I know we each all have one issue or the other plaguing our hearts and sometimes, we just want to share our deepest hurts with our friends. Well, that's not a bad idea but it's a turn off if you're gonna do it in a girls night out. Come on, it's not the end of the world. Such times are reserved to breathe and not break down. The best thing to do instead, is to channel that energy you've reserved to break down and cry to the excitement before you. Trust me, you'll come back feeling refreshed.

6. Finally, feel free to be extra

Yas! feel free to be as crazy and outgoing as you want. You're not out to impress anyone or any guy around. That's why its called a "Girls Night Out". Be free to laugh out loud if you want, make jokes even if your're terrible at it, dance even if you've got no rhythm and have fun. Don't be too uptight cos you'll end up spoiling the mood.

And so darlings, those are my tips on how to enjoy a Girls Night Out. I'll love to read your comments on this. I want to know if you can relate. Also, feel free to share your experiences if you've faced the reverse of any of the cases I mentioned above.

Cheers!