DAY 11 (LOLA'S 12 DAYS OF XMAS)

Noon

It's day eleven in Mom's house and I'm still sane. After the news of my pregnancy, I thought I would lose my mind but strangely, I haven't. I've accepted my fate; I've decided to give it a try and see how well or bad I'll fare in this phase of my life. I'm thirty five, unmarried, beautiful, successful, wealthy, with a new qualification added to my achievements, "soon to be Mom". Sounds weird but I'm curious to see how it goes.

Mom had come to stay with me the whole of this morning. She had taken her time to talk to me about
the three stages of pregnancy, and had explained to me what to expect every month. She had even suggested that Darey be my private doctor so that he would be at my beck and call but I had immediately refused. I didn't want that much intrusion from my family any more than they already have. I want to go through this process alone and savor every moment of it. This is a new world I'm stepping into and if I have to do it, I would need all the privacy I can get to focus and carry it well. 

Mom had finally opened the door and had told Tinu to take me on a drive for fresh air. She had banned me from driving myself henceforth thankfully. At least, we agree on that level. I hate driving myself. So finally, I've earned my freedom. Tinu had driven me around the estate and then taken me to Shoprite just around the corner to see a movie. On our way, we shared small talk that gradually flowed into sensitive grounds.

"Tinu, how are you and Darey now?" I asked genuinely concerned
"We're good as usual. No problem at all" she answered brightly
I looked at her closely to be sure she wasn't hiding anything before asking "Are you sure?"
"Yes! Don't worry, we never carry any grudge to the next day Sister Lola" she replied still smiling

I sighed and looked ahead shifting my mind to my own thoughts. Then Tinu said,

"I think you'll be a great Mom to it Sister Lola"

That took me unawares and my eyes moistened as I shook my head at her,

"Naa, I don't know about that. I'm a really selfish person. I've never liked kids and now, I'm about to have one. I don't even know how I'll be able to share my time with it"
She laughed and said happily, "I'm glad you just admitted that you're a selfish person. You really are a pain in the ass you know."

I laughed as well as I thought about what she said. Somehow, she was right but I just can't help myself.

.........................

Evening

It was about 7:30 pm and everyone was in the living room watching TV. It was sort of a significant moment for us all as that will be the last day we'll have such an opportunity to be that close as a family again. Tomorrow is the 31st ; cross over night that meant that we all would go to church and pray our way into the New Year. No one dared miss that service because of Mom of course. Also, after the service, I would have to go back to my house and continue with my life which will be in a different way now.

So we all were enjoying a movie on African Magic when a car started honking it's horn outside the gate. Mom asked Bayo to go and check cos she wasn't expecting anyone. My aunts and relatives would arrive tomorrow for the cooking and New Year celebration. Bayo went out and after about fifteen minutes, he returned. Then he announced,

"Mami, there's a man outside that wants to come and see you"

Mom turned around and looked at Bayo, the others did same but I wasn't interested in whatever the stranger had to do with Mom. He's probably one of the neighbors coming to thank Mom for the food we shared some days back. Mom stood up and went to meet the man outside then after a while she came in with the man. She was giving instructions to Bayo to take in a brief case and from the sound of her voice, it was obvious she was really excited. Curiosity made me turn to look at her cos I just didn't understand what her neighbour had said to make her so happy.

"Lola, Jeff Oku is here to see you"

I was stone shocked when I saw Jeff standing there, tall, handsome and dark in all of his glory. He was wearing his business suit and was smiling at me. I quickly looked around at Tinu, Darey and the kids faces; they all looked shocked as well. I don't know if it was about his looks or the fact that they couldn't believe that I have a man in my life. I carefully stood up, walked to Jeff and dragged him to my room. I could hear everyone groan in a, "here she goes again" way but I didn't care. I closed the door when we were inside and faced him angrily.

"What the hell are you doing here?!"
"Sweety Pea, I'm glad I finally found your Mom's place. It wasn't easy though."He said pulling me into a bear hug

I immediately pulled back and shouted "Don't touch me, you'll hurt it!" and unconsciously, my hand went up to stomach protectively

Jeff looked confused as he asked "What's 'it'?" he asked

I almost bit my tongue in realization that I had spilled the bean too soon then I quickly removed my hands from my stomach. Jeff was too smart for my liking cos he was quick to smell a rat. I stuttered for the first time ever since I had know Jeff.

"The...the... question is why are you here? I...I... didn't ask you to come so why are you here?"

He was looking at me strangely, not answering my questions but I continued as I remembered the stupid box of chocolates. I went to my wardrobe and brought it out.

"Here, have your stupid box of chocolates"  I shoved it at him

He took it, opened it and went on his knees. My heart skipped and I was rooted to the spot in shock. I have been with an engagement ring in my closet for days without knowing it!

"Lolly, I actually sent you the chocolates on purpose. I knew you wouldn't open the box so I sent it anyways cos I wanted to do this in person. I know you don't love me enough to want to give up your freedom for a life with me but I love you just the way you are. You are annoying, over bearing, selfish, and a pain in my neck but beyond all of that, I see a beautiful soul who's got a heart of gold. And Lola, no matter how hard you try to make yourself look insensitive and difficult, I want you more."

I had to stop him before he said anymore, "Trust me Jeff, you don't want a life with me. I'm a hand full. You of all people should know that!"
"And that is what I want Lola. I feel incomplete whenever your drama doesn't come in it's regular dose. All I want to do is love you the way I always have. I need you to complete me. Please, say yes...just say yes and let me handle the rest. Please..."

I stood quiet, refusing to say anything. Just then, the door burst open and Mom stormed in shouting and removing her head scarf to tie around her waist. She looked funny as she stared shouting,

"Lola, you better say yes o! You better say yes! This year must not pass you by. Oya, se kia!"

I was laughing so hard already and then I said yes. Jeff sagged to his knees with relief and Mom ran out the room screaming.

"Lola is married o! Lola is married!"

I heard them in the living room screaming for joy as well. Oh Mom! The apple definitely doesn't fall far from the tree.

DAY 9 (LOLA'S 12 DAYS OF XMAS)

Morning

I had another bout of throwing up again from 8 am this morning. This time, I locked myself in my bathroom so that Mom won't catch me unawares. She would immediately sniff the truth if she caught me throwing up again another day. Afterwards, I brushed my teeth thoroughly to kill the bile taste in my mouth. I do my usual skin ritual and had a warm bath. I went to the in built mirror on the wall beside my wardrobe to do a thorough check up of my body. I locked the door to my room first so no one would barge in on me.

My stomach was still flat but I noticed a slight bump like I had overfed my self or was I seeing double? I turned to my side to see if really I was growing a bump; it was there like it wasn't there at all. I placed my hands on my breasts, feeling their weight. They were slightly heavy, not bigger than normal but just slightly heavy. My nipples were bigger and tender. All of a sudden, the consciousness that I was carrying another life inside of me overwhelmed me and I started trembling. I had a tornado of emotions running through me; I was angry, scared, sad and confused.  I knew then that I had messed up real bad.

How I did I allow this happen? I had been so confident and sure that my pills were working. I had taken an injection to stop my monthly flow for a while and it was when the six months duration had expired that I consulted my doctor to put me on the pills. Is it possible that just missing the pill for once could cause this misfortune to happen to me?

"There's only one way to this Lola. Get rid of it" I said to myself and started dressing up to go out. If I'm going to do this, I have to do this today.

........................

I had just packed a bag with an extra cloth, undies, and my laptop. I unlocked the door and stepped out of the room but then, I forgot my car keys so I went back inside to get them. Just when I had picked them up, Tinu walked into my room teary eyed. She had probably cried herself to sleep as well. I was surprised when I saw her cos I hadn't heard her open the door.

"Why didn't you mention any of it to me Sister Lola?" she said tearfully
"Mention what?" I asked irritated. I was in a foul mood already. My predicament was giving me enough headache and Tinu wants to come and add hers.
She sniffed and said "That you dated Darey back in the University"
I answered impatiently "Well, as you said 'back in the University', that's in the past"
"You think so? Oh my God! I can't believe I've been married to someone who sees you when he looks at me." she sniffed again
"What do you mean Tinu? Look I don't have time for this. I've got an appointment somewhere." I started walking towards the door but she stopped me midway.
"No sister Lola. You don't get to leave. Look at you, your life is so perfect. You have it all, you're beautiful and sexy, you don't lack anything, you can have any man you want so why won't Darey marry me? To be closer to you since he couldn't have you even if you dumped him. So, I'm like the substitute that he gets to settle for!"

I was surprised and disappointed that she would interpret things that way so I lashed out at her.

"Shut the hell up Tinu! Shut your mouth before I shut it up for you! Jeez! you are so selfish! You always want everything to be about you. You think I dumped him because I wanted to? I had to hustle so that we could have a life. Dad was broke remember? And he kept on falling sick until he died. Mom couldn't afford to give you an education so I had sex my way to Lebanon, sex my way to survive while there  and also sex my way to pay for my Masters so that you too could have an education. I was tired of the lack we suffered Tinu.

I didn't inform Darey that I was leaving cos he won't understand and when I returned, he had married you. What was I to do then huh?! Yank him away from you?" I was shedding tears now. Tinu looked shocked but I didn't stop, I continued. I just needed to purge myself off this anger burning in my chest.

"You've got no idea how hard it was to pleasure those greedy men so they could release their money." I paused and looked at her then added, "Darey loves you Tinu. I'm a cold bitch and he knows it. I don't love him, I don't even think I can love any man anymore. Not even a baby. Everything I have now, is as a result of the tough decisions I had to make and I don't regret any of it."

I leaned against the door to catch my breath. I felt fatigue all of a sudden. Our voices had been loud as we shouted as each other but I didn't care. Tinu took slow steps towards me and said carefully,

"I'm so sorry Sister Lola. I didn't know you went through all of that for us but you've got to keep that baby inside you and love it cos it will bring you happiness"
"It's none of your business Tinu. Stay out of this" I replied

At that point, Mom barged into the room with a dumbfounded expression on her face. She had probably heard the noise coming from my room and had come to check. I am done for.

"Which baby?" she asked

None of us spoke and she shouted,

"Which baby?!

Tinu quickly answered, "Lola is pregnant"
Mom jumped as she shouted again "Jesu! E seun o! (Jesus, thank you!)"

She put her hand on my breasts and after some seconds, she removed it and said smiling,

"it's still young but it's growing. Oh Ife mi! God bless you! You've made me so happy?"
"I'm not keeping it Mom. I'm getting rid of it" I said looking her straight in the eye.

Before I knew it, I felt a heavy slap on my face. It was so unexpected that I staggered and started crying. Mom started shouting furiously.

"Abi o nya were ni?!(Are you mad?) Do you think you are still a child? Do you know how many women are out there looking for children?! Lola if you do anything to that child I will disown you! Oponu!"

I heard the voices of Darey and Tinu pleading with Mom to calm down but she kept ranting. Then she shocked everyone. She called Bayo to bring the food she had prepared for me for breakfast, then she told everyone to go out, she locked me inside my room and went out with the key.

I ate the food and out of exhaustion, I fell into a deep sleep.
....................

Evening

I'm under house arrest. I can't even open the door to the room except Mom unlocks it which she didn't. I saw my dinner of yam porridge with some fruit Salad on my dressing table and ate it soberly. I'm brooding on what to do but nothing comes to my head. All I feel now is fear.

DAY 8 (LOLA'S 12 DAYS OF XMAS)

Morning.

I woke up this morning feeling terribly nauseous. My night was restless cos I had been feverish. I checked for the time; it was just 7 am. I tried standing up to go to the bathroom but I felt really light headed and dizzy so I relaxed back on the bed. I turn on the Tv just for some distraction from the way I was feeling but before I knew it, I saw myself on the floor of my bathroom throwing up. By the time I was done, I was too weak to get up. I stayed there for some time and dosed off cos the spasm kept shaking me up and I kept throwing up.

.................

Noon

I open my eyes to find myself on my bed. There was a cool towel on my fore head, Mom was beside me muttering some prayers under her breath, Tinu was just ushering the kids out of my room while Darey was seated opposite my bed and watching me intently. Our eyes met and he immediately stood up with his stethoscope. Mom noticed the movements and she as well quickly turned to face me whilst thanking God audibly now.

"Oluwa ese o! Lola, bawo ni ara e nsi?  (Thank you God! Lola, how are you feeling now)?"
I tried sitting up as I replied. "o re mi Mami.  (I'm tired) What happened?" I asked
"I found you collapsed on your bathroom floor after waiting for you to come out all morning. Oh! Thanks to God, you're alright" she was touching my head with the back of her hand
"All morning?!" I asked feeling too weak to express how baffled I was. I checked the wall clock, it was 2 pm.

Darey who had been standing aside and watching us talk cleared his throat "Ehem. Mami, please go and prepare pepper soup for her while I do another checkup on her. Don't worry, she'll be alright"
"Ok. Lola, mo pa da bo. (I'm coming back) Let me go and prepare the food"
I nodded then she left.

Darey inserted the stethoscope in his ears and started checking my pulse. Afterwards, he sat at the foot of the bed looking at me as if waiting for a signal to talk. I was looking at him warily as well then tired of the mind games we were playing, I broke the silence.

"Alright, what is it?"
He ignored the acidic tone I used and answered "What did you eat yesterday Lola?"
"Fried rice and shrimps. Why?"
He was quiet as he took notes on his tab.
"Do you think I had food poisoning? Cos if it's the shrimps, it was properly cooked"
He stopped and looked at me, sighed and then said, "No Lola, you didn't have food poisoning, you're pregnant. You should avoid eating shrimps again."

My jaw dropped down. It's not true, it can't be, it's impossible. I laughed hysterically. Darey was looking at me like I was crazy.

"Listen Dr. Darey Adeola, I had food poisoning, I passed out, I'm awake now and I'm alright. Thank you but you're wrong."
Darey shook his head "Lola, you're pregnant and it's nine weeks old. You should be happy."
I looked at him with so much hate before shouting "Shut up Darey! Shut up your bloody lying mouth! I am not pregnant! And let me not hear a word of this outside this room else, you're done."
"What is your problem Lola?! Aren't you tired of being alone?! Now God has been kind enough to bless you with a gift of child and you're here rejecting it? How selfish can you get?!"

That enraged me and I stood up as I released the pent up emotion that had been eating me up

"You dare call me selfish? You dare call me selfish?! You who left me for my younger sister dare call me selfish? You're a sick joke!"
"Really? You think so? Well first, I had no idea she was your sister. Second, what did you expect me to do? We were an item on campus for three years then after graduation, you disappeared without a word. What was I to do Lola? Tell me.''
"Even at that, why did it have to be Tinu? Why?" I shouted again
"Because she healed my heart. She made loving a woman easy for me again. I never even knew she was your sister cos you never introduced me to your family."

I broke down to the floor and started crying and Darey came around to my side of the bed. He put a hand on my shoulder and said,

"What happened wasn't anyone's fault Lola. Maybe God had other plans for us. I don't regret marring Tinu and I'm sure you've been happy with your life just as I am with mine"

I didn't answer him. I shrugged off his hand from my shoulder and at that point, Tinu walked into the room. I and Dare looked up together and before we could say anything, she went out again and Darey went after her. I couldn't understand the look I had seen on her face but somehow, I didn't feel bad that she had possibly heard our conversation. I felt bad for myself; for dragging out long buried corpses from the shadows of my memory.

.........................

Evening

I didn't go out of my room throughout today. Thankfully, Darey and Tinu had been quiet about the news of my pregnancy so when Mom had brought the pepper soup to my room, I didn't notice any change in her mood. She had stayed with me for a while after I refused going to the living room for fresh air. She had served me dinner again, avoiding adding any sea food as Darey had advised her. He had told her I was allergic to sea food so she made my dinner with chicken instead.

.......................

Left alone, I ponder on the news about my pregnancy. How did I miss the signs? I stood up and went to my mirror to properly look at myself. Yes, my flat tummy is same and my body still looked same if not, Mom would have noticed the difference but how did this happen? Yeah, the last time I had had sex without my pills was in October but I had used them as usual in November. how did this happen? Oh no! I'm not ready, I've never been ready and I don't think I'll ever be ready to be a Mom to some tiny being who'll be helplessly dependent on me for life. I can't do this. I have to get rid of this immediately before Mom finds out.

I went back to bed and cried myself to sleep.

DAY 5 (LOLA'S 12 DAYS OF XMAS)

Morning

Today's Sunday, my favorite day of the week when I'm at my house but my worse when I'm at Moms'. Why? you'll ask. Well, you'll know in a bit. The noise from the living room had woken me up so as I grumbled to my bathroom, I heard the familiar voices I have been dreading to hear since I got here. Mom's relatives are here! Oh no! I thought they won't come at all since I didn't see them yesterday. There's Iya Bola, Iya Asake, Mama Eko, Mama Ibadan and Mummy Leke; all of them big women (literally). All five women are my inevitable contemporary nightmare. They never miss Christmas at Mom's which is a tradition they had started to keep her company as well as assist her with the festive cooking ever since Dad died. Initially, I saw it as a good intention cos they had to leave their homes and come to stay with Mom on the 24th and 25th then, they would go back and return again on the 30th to help her with the cooking for the new year. Not like Mom needed the help really but, it was something they started and it sort of stuck. Now I call them my nightmare because, the only thing they usually hammered on during their stay is the need for me to "find a husband and settle down".  

As if they can hear my thoughts, the door to my room barged open and all five of them wobbled in, in the fullness of their weights and the next thing I hear is,

"Lola O! Omo da da! (good child)" Mama Eko the leader of the gang hailed me in her familiar boisterous way while the others were raining prayers and blessings on me
"Ah! Mummy! Ekaro Ma! I politely knelt to greet

Mama Ibadan the second in command took over,

"emi yin a gun (may you live long)
 owo yin ama po sin (may you continue to be wealthy)
olorun ase oko fun e (may God give you your own husband)
Olorun ase omo re fun e (may God bless you with good children)
ni oruko Jesu! (in Jesus name')
"Amin!" we all chorused

I was amused and upset cos I know what would follow next. I thanked them and told them I needed to use the bathroom but they didn't budge. As if they didn't hear me, they sat down on the bed and Iya Asake started her sermon.

"Lola, kilo se le na? (what's happening?) We have been waiting for the day you will bring good news that your wedding date is ready but till now, nothing. Time waits for no one o! Hian!"

Iya Bola that has six children all of which are married chipped in, "Even, at this your age, you should have three kids by now and later, you can add three more like me"

I had to say something so I spoke up with a serious face with the hope of scaring them away, but they weren't deterred.

"Ese my Mummies but, I'm not ready to be married yet. Asides that, I don't like children. They're a huge stress. If I have to take care of even one, I won't be able to take care of myself the way I like"

At that, they looked at each other in surprise before bursting into laughter. They laughed to their fill before Mummy Leke who is more educated and has only one child, cleared her throat and said calmly,

"Lola, children are gifts from God and no matter how much stressful it is to raise a child, they are the insurance that God plants in our lives to take care of our old age. You'll never know until you experience it. Look at me, my husband is dead but I have Leke who built me a house and flies me abroad whenever I want. And look at you, look at how you're holding this family together! You are very stubborn but you are a gift to your mother. You shouldn't hate children that way my dear"

I sighed. What a speech! But, I'm not moved. So, I made another attempt to bail myself out.

"Mo ti gbo Ma but I'm okay being on my own without a husband. At least, I have my own house, cars, a business that's thriving and a secure job. I'm complete and I'm not complaining."

Mama Eko shouted, "Ha! Oponu! (stupid girl) Who has been brain washing you Lola? No woman is complete without a man! That is why God created everything as male and female. No matter how accomplished a woman is, she still needs a man! Abi you have turned Lezzy ni?" She looked at the others and they all slapped each other's arm laughing.

I turned red with anger and then went into the bathroom and locked the door. They can stay there and laugh off their fat asses, I'm not having that conversation anymore.

..........................

Noon

It was the close of service in Church and people were coming to greet my family or rather me specifically cos after the usual, "God bless you Mrs. Peters" they said to Mom, and "Hope you enjoyed service Mummies" they said to my aunts, they would turn their full attention on me and bombard me with questions. Since I went off to University, I had stopped attending service here except on occasions like Christmas. It got really exhausting and I excused myself from the group to wait in my car. As I was walking out, one of the pastor's wife was walking towards me and on recognizing her, I tried taking another door but she called my name, so I went back.

You see this woman, I don't like her. She's very judgmental and she has a knack for scolding young girls about the way they dressed, walked, or even laughed in church. She used to scold me a lot as a teenager and had asked me several times if I was still a virgin because, according to her, I have the look of a temptress. There was even once she made me cry home because of the short dress I was wearing. It wasn't like I enjoyed wearing short dresses back then but, I was growing taller everyday and my clothes were getting shorter. My parents couldn't afford to be buying me clothes all the time so I had to manage what I had to church and this women right here made me suffer for it. So today, I'm ready for her. I'm gonna make her cry.

I turned around and greeted her, "Good afternoon Deaconess Peace"
"Oh Lola! It's good to have you worship with us again, once in a year as usual" she said and smiled charmingly

I noticed the sarcasm in her statement and waited to hear more before I strike back

"Quick one though, your gown, it's really short and I noticed it caused a lot of distractions during service. You should wear something longer next time. You know, you're a threat to some sisters here. What with your shape and beauty. We don't want to cause husbands to cheat on their wives now with you being a single sister do we? I hope you understand" she smiled nervously

Oh yes! exactly what I wanted her to say. I went for the kill.

"You know what, I think you need Jesus in your miserable life. So all through service, instead of you to look up to God, you were looking at my ass! You're just a frustrated housewife with a low self esteem who goes about picking on young women who's achieved more than you'll ever dream of achieving in your lifetime. The next time you see me, run or else, I lock you up for even sniffing the air I breathe. Now piss off!" With that, I walked away, smiling triumphantly. The shock on her face just served me a sumptuous lunch.

Thankfully, Darey brought his sienna car so, there was room for everyone to ride home together. I think I'm beginning to love Sundays at Moms'.

............................

Evening

The living room was full. Everyone was eating and gisting about life in general while Mom was really ecstatic cos I was also having a meal of Amala and eforiro for the first time since the five days I've been home. Tinu and I still ignore each other but we exchange polite words in front of my aunts cos if they got a whiff that we weren't on talking terms, hell will break loose.

My leg was healed so I was really comfortable as I ate my cat fish while pressing my phone then I heard Darey talking. I didn't catch the beginning of what he was saying so I had to pause and listen attentively.

"... Tinu made loving a woman easy for me. I didn't have to pursue her around town and for that, I appreciate her everyday."

Everyone laughed and "Awwwed" as the two love birds blew kisses to each other. I feigned talking on the phone and left the living room to my room. My chest burned so I went to the bathroom, washed my hand and then dialed Jeff's number. He had put it on roaming so I could reach him. He picked on the second ring.

"Hey Sweet pea!" he said
"Hi. How's the meeting going?"
"Going great. How are you?" he sounded concerned
"Don't worry. I need more wipes from the Victoria Secrets Store. Get five packs for me"
"Lolly, what's wrong? Your voice is trembling. What happened this time?"
"Why the hell are you so intrusive! Can't you just take a simple instruction and let me be?!" I screamed
"Look, I've known you long enough to know that when you're upset. you ask for things that you already have like the wipes. You bought a carton last month when we visited Dubai, remember? So tell me, what's making you upset?"
I was so pissed I hung up on him.

He was right. He knew me that well and it's annoying. I just wanted to let of some steam and there he is acting Mr. caring. Did I ask him for the concern? Oh please!

...........................

I lay on my bed thinking about tomorrow. Tomorrow's Xmas and the activity in this house will be crazy. I better start planning on how to escape.

DAY 2 (LOLA'S 12 DAYS OF XMAS)

Morning

I woke up this morning feeling refreshed and famished. I immediately jumped off my bed to the bathroom to brush my teeth and as well do my morning facials ritual. You see, I'm a light skinned girl and a lot of people sometimes mistake me for a half caste, kudos to Dad. I look exactly like him, God rest his soul. Dad was really tall, elegant and handsome. He was quite the opposite of Mom who's plum, dark but tall as well. How they met, I still don't understand the gist but what I know is, they eloped at the age of nineteen and twenty. Dad had a lot of women suitors, like families who wanted their daughter to marry him but Dad choose Mom, his childhood sweetheart. They had to run away to be together and it was after ten years that they went back to their kinsmen to beg for forgiveness and to marry properly. See why I'll never understand the gist? I mean, how handsome can a man be to have women suitors?

 Anyways, back to me. I've got the most beautiful skin ever and trust me, it takes a lot of hard work to maintain it. Every morning, I literally worship my face with amazing skin care products from Estee Lauder and Lancome, my body treats costs a fortune but I don't mind. Afterwards, I go for a quick run. Unfortunately, Mom's estate is too small for a run so, I'll just have to watch what I eat.

....................

When I got to the kitchen, it was already 10:00 am and Mom was fuming with anger. I smiled at her and genuflected in greeting to her. I went straight to the fridge for my veggies salad but when I turned, she was right behind me, collected the plate from me and before I knew it, had thrown the veggies into the trash can. I was shocked but before I could vent, she beat me to the usual game by starting her usual long sermon that always made her feel like the victim of this harassment.

"Kilo n sie Lola?! (what's wrong with you) I spent time in this kitchen the whole of yesterday, preparing different types of meals for you but you didn't eat any. Now, you want to come and eat Ugwu (vegetable leaf) and tomatoes like a goat! " she stopped and then sat down heavily on her kitchen stool lamenting "This girl, ooni pa mi! (you won't kill me)"

I was really trying hard to control my anger but I couldn't so I flared up

"But I didn't ask you to cook for me! I told you I wasn't gonna eat all that junk you call food!"

At that point, Tinu walked in with a dumbfounded expression on her face before venting  as well.
"My God Sister Lola! How can you call Mom's food junk? She's only doing what a mother does!"

I lashed back in return "Yeah right Tinu! That's why you look just like her, FAT! I wonder how Darey keeps up with your weight" I finished and was about storming out of the kitchen but Tinu attacked me in the most vicious way she could.

"That's why he married me and not someone like you cos there'll always be something to hold on to. With you, he would have been holding on to thin air!" she stood glaring at me like she was set on a brawl. I was so angry that when I turned around, I bumped into Tj, Tinu's seven year old son who was coming into the kitchen at that point with a running nose but he hugged me instead when he saw that it was me and shouted,

"Good morning Aunty Lola!"

I was further irritated. That was the last thing I needed; a hug from a child with a running nose. I pushed him off and screamed, "Get away from me!" then I stormed out of the kitchen. Behind me, I could hear Tinu and Mom gasp in shock but I don't care. I'm already pissed. I mean, how could they both gang up on me and attack me that way. Is it by force to eat your mother's food? And to worsen it, get a clingy, slimy hug from a child. Gosh! I hate kids. I never even want to have them. Jeff had said on countless occasions how much he wanted to have at least three kids with me and I had simply laughed at him. That one is just fooling himself. Me! Children?!

I went into my room had a cold bath to let off steam, dressed up and left the house for a drive. A drive around the neighborhood will definitely do me some good.

..........................

Noon

I was driving into the compound when I heard my name but I ignored the caller cos I knew who it was. Mama Ireti is our neighbor from the next building and I dislike her with a passion cos she's a satelite dish with antennas that's always sniffing for news.  She called my name again and again from where she sat at her balcony then I gave in. I turned around threw her a quick greeting before hurrying away but the old witch wouldn't let me go. She stood up and rested her elbows on the rails of the balcony before asking,

"Lola omo da da, bawo lowa? Oko nko? Omo nko?" (Lola my good child, how are you? what about your husband and children?)
"They are fine Mama. Thank you" I replied and made to move again but she continued
"But you did not come with them na. I saw you when you arrived yesterday." she said in her rich English accent. Her husband's actually wealthy with all their five kids abroad so, she lived on the business of the neighborhood to survive from dying of boredom.

Exasperated already by the small talk, I quickly answered, "They'll come Ma. Ese Ma" and I literally ran into the house before she remembered that the black Toyota Land Cruiser Prado jeep I brought home this time wasn't the same as the white 2015 Infiniti Jeep I had brought home last year.

When I got inside the house, I went straight to the dinning where Mom had again laid the table for my meal. This time, I ate the freshly prepared catfish pepper soup and some oranges for desert. Then I went to my room to do some work on my laptop. I'm not talking to Tinu just yet. She has to apologize to me first and then, peace can reign.

........................

Evening

I had watched E! and some drama series on Ebony Life Tv after replying my mails, made some calls and checked the figures for the proceeds of last week's sales from my fish farm. My Manager was doing a great job and even if I hadn't been there in the last three months because of my numerous official trips abroad, every report he sent was accurate. Of course, he can't cheat me, he knows I'll find out as the financial guru that I am.

Lol

Mom had also come into my room earlier to talk to me about making peace with Tinu but I had refused. Like seriously people, why should I even apologize to anyone at all? What I said was right! If she wasn't eating too much, she wouldn't be overweight! Period! She has to come and apologize for insulting me about my marital status. In fact, I don't even want to think about it.

My phone is ringing and Jeff is calling again. This man. You keep violating the rules. Don't call me till I want to call you, but you won't listen. You're on your own Jeff. I'm not answering.

The phone rang like five more times and then I picked.

"What part of "don't call me" don't you understand Jeff?" I barked into the receiver
"Hey sweet pea! How are you and how did it go today?" his deep calm voice boomed into my ears
"Listen Jeff, I'm not in the mood for sweetness. My day was sour"
"You quarreled with your Mom and Tinu right?" he asked amused
"And how would you know that?" I was indeed surprised
"Well, that's what always happens on every second day of your twelve days visit to them Lolly." he laughed
"This is so not funny Jeff." I fumed but he was right. It had become a routine I can't even keep count.
"Listen Babe, go and make peace with them and stop calling Tinu 'Fat' cos she isn't okay" he sounded serious now
"But she's a size ten and to me, that's extremely fat!" I'm pissed again that he's taking their side
"Lolly, whatever. Just make peace with her okay?"
"I'll do it at my own time. You don't tell me what to do Jeff."
"Okay. I love you Sweet Pea."
"Noted. Bye" and I hung up but I heard him chuckle at the end

I'm not apologizing shit to Tinu.

Then I remembered little Tj. Poor him. He had also been at the receiving end of my wrath. I'll have to make up for it somehow. I have to make it up to him. I wouldn't want to have nightmares of some bitter kid chasing me with a toy gun. I'll think up a surprise for him tomorrow. Talking about tomorrow, it had better be drama free. But who knows? With my family, something crazy always comes up.

DAY 1 (LOLA'S 12 DAYS OF XMAS)

Mid Morning

I hate Xmas, I hate driving myself, I hate Lagos' traffic, I hate the fact that I'm going home to fulfill all righteousness of upholding Mom's tradition of family spending time together during Christmas. Dearest Mom, if I had my way I would stop honoring this annoying tradition cos trust me, the drama that follows could fill up a history book far more than the Cold War. Yeah, my family's very dramatic. They exaggerate everything and it gets really irritating and sometimes, I can't even deal. Gosh! that's why I ensure they only see me once a year when I've got to sacrifice 12 whole days of my precious time, putting my life on hold to grace them with my presence.

Oops! Sorry. Let me introduce myself. My name is Lola Peters. I'm 35, unmarried, very beautiful, classy and sophisticated. I'm a financial expert with one of the world's largest transport and logistics firm and of course, I've got my own fish farm on the side. I'm happy, I'm comfortable and I'm rich. Boyfriend? Well, I've got Lawyer man Jeff. He's alright but sometimes, I wonder if I really need him.

Anyways, I'm driving to Mom's now and the traffic is so annoying. What I still can't understand is how Fashola was able to give these crazy tanker drivers a 48 hours ultimatum to evacuate the highways and Ambode can't do same. This is just another reason I hate coming to the mainland. A thirty minutes trip always ends up becoming an hour's trip or more.  I've honked my horn several times but everything and everyone seems to be dragging. Oh hell! my phone's ringing again and it's Mom. I had given her a heads up about me arriving the house today and she's been calling like I'm driving all the way from abroad. This better be good.

"Yes Mami"
"Lola omo mi, ba wo ni?" she sounded worried
"Mami, the traffic is terrible but I should be home in the next fifteen minutes"
"Okay dear. I've prepared your favorite dish of semo and eforiro okay?"
"Mami I appreciate but I've told you before, that used to be my favorite dish but now, it's simply veggies, no fat at all. And besides, I'm watching my weight. So, just send Bayo to get me some veggies instead will you?"
"What weight are you watching ni?! You that looks like a bonga fish!"
"It's called being "slim and healthy" Mami. Just send for the veggies will you?"
"Okay!"
"And please Mami, stop calling you're making me nervous"
"Hian! okay o! See you soon Ife mi"
"Yes Ma"

Jeez! Mom can be so annoying. I always end up adding weight when I visit her so I had to make a resolve to stop eating her meals. It breaks her heart but, my weight is more important to keep in check. Oh Lord, make this holiday worth this stress and sacrifice of my time.

............................


Noon

So, fifteen minutes turned into thirty minutes extra, added to the one hour I had already spent on the road. I was fagged out by the time I got to the gate of the compound. I cringed when I heard screams and loud footsteps bounding down the stairs towards me. Oh no! they're here. My younger sister's kids; two boys and a girl. Tinu had married early and at the age of thirty, she still looked beautiful. I leaned on my car to keep myself from falling as the kids jumped on me. They're so adorable but they looked dirty and I had to gently push them off before they stained my white boubou gown. Tinu who stood aside was looking at us with a funny smile on her face cos she understood my dislike for dirty kids. We hugged after I had successfully untangled myself from the strong hold of the giggling kids.

"Sister mi, you look amazing as ever" Tinu said with obvious envy

I smiled fondly at her and said "For a mother of three, I must say that you look healthy"

"Oh please, don't flatter me. I've told Darey that if I find his thing in me again, I'll kill him."

That cracked me up cos I knew she was joking. Her and her husband were a pair  and I'm sure he'll be joing us soon. We all went inside and the moment Mom heard my voice, she rushed out of the kitchen and was all over me, checking my vitals, from the tip of my hair to the soles of my feet. I had to struggle not to continue rolling my eyes. Before I knew it, she was leading me to the dinning table to eat from what looked like a buffet. There was the legendary Efo riro, semo, amala, assorted meats in stew, catfish pepper soup, ewedu soup, and of course, a small portion of my veggies diced on a platter. I was baffled and as I turned to look at Mom in amazement, she shrugged before turning to call Bayo to take my bags to my room. Bayo, a distant relative of ours has been staying with Mom for ten years now since Dad died and I pay for his education just like I pay for everything that concerns Mom. I turned to leave as well but Mom stopped me and asked,

''Ah han! se oni jehun ni Lola?" (won't you eat Lola?)

"Ejor Mami, mo fe lo wena. Ese Ma"  (Please Mom, I want to shower first) with that, I hurried to my room before we argued about it.

..........................

Evening

I had fallen into a deep sleep after having my bath and when I checked my phone, I saw ten missed calls from Jeff. That pissed me off. Sometimes, he behaved exactly like my Mom, too intrusive for my liking. I wonder how we've been together for five years. I should have dumped his sorry ass long ago but, he fits the role perfectly. He's 38, handsome, successful and responds whenever I want him. Exactly what I want in a man. I dropped the phone on the bed to go back to sleep but it started ringing again. I picked it up angrily and shouted,

"What is it Jeff?! You've called ten times already!"
"Hey Lolly, I'm glad you're alright. I was worried sick" he sounded relieved
"And why were you worried?"
"Well, cos this is the first time this year you're visiting your Mom so I was worried you wouldn't remember the route anymore and might end up getting lost"
"Seriously Jeff? You know what, don't call me, I'll call you when I want. And don't even think about coming here either. I've got to go now. Bye"
"Hey, hey, hey! hold it babe" he sounded soft now for a tough man with a domineering height like him and it always pissed me off whenever he got that way.
"What?!" I asked impatiently
"I miss you already"
"Noted. Now bye Jeff. Later" I hung up

Dear Jeff, I wonder how I put up with him. He's always fussing and it's irritating. Yes, he cares about me and wants us to do things together most of the time but time is what I don't have for all of that mushy crap. Imagine him wanting to come to Mom's with me. Ugh! What a man!

I tiptoed to the door to listen for any sound but there was none. I quietly opened my door and went to the dinning. The table was empty thankfully. Mom must be mad at me already for not eating at all. It was late already and even if I ate, she would conclude that I didn't so, I sneakily went back to my room to prepare myself for day two. Who knows what drama awaits to unfold tomorrow? Right now, all I want to do is sleep again.