MEMOIRS OF PISCES (episode 1)

ANNIE

The mean generator stopped roaring around 3am, leaving receding echoes in Annie's eardrums. She was relieved and troubled at the same time. This same thing happens everyday and in the morning, she wakes up feeling drained. Everyone in the face me I face you compound has gotten used to Bros Zik's I better pass my neighbor generator but Annie doesn't think she ever will because, her room was just next to his thus, she suffered the noise the most, coupled with the smoke that came with it. On this particular night, Annie was more troubled because, she has an interview by 11 am at Lekki. This is the 15th interview she will be going for since the past nine months of applying to over thirty companies. She didn't even prepare for it cos she was already tired of studying her G-Math textbook and rehearsing the right answers, her smile and her grammar. No one can ever fathom what employers want in Nigeria so she was done trying to impress anyone.

She checked the time again; it was past 3 am now. She hasn't been able to sleep at all partly because of the noise and partly because of the interview. She was almost broke again and this time around, if it happens, she would have no choice but to go back to Calabar and resume patching up with her parents who were already fed up of her joblessness. She went on her knees and eyes closed with her hands together in supplication, she whispered into the hot room.

"Dear Lord, I'm at my breaking point. I'm tired of this place, this house, this rat race in Lagos and worse of all, these fruitless interviews. Just make this one work, okay? I don't mind going all the way to Lekki from here. It's gonna cost a lot but, just let me into the system first and I know you'll handle the rest. And please, could you just finally destroy this Bros Zik's generator? It's making me sick! Okay, I'm sorry. That was petty of me but, I'm just fed up of the noise, the smoke and all. Anyways, thanks for answering cos I know you've done it. Amen"

........................

Annie walked into the board room and stiffened when she saw that the panel waiting to interview her was totally different from the type she was used to. She had applied for the role of  a PA to the CEO in this Audit firm and from what she had read online about them, they've been in existence for over twenty years now. They're a huge deal with clients such as the who is who in Nigeria. Annie had developed a particular interest in that position cos she saw it as an opportunity to finally work in a field where she could grow and put to practice what she studied in school.

So when she walked into the board room, she was surprised to see that there were 6 men and a woman waiting for her in the room. They looked impatient and when she noticed the crease on their foreheads, she hastened to the seat that was meant for her. She had on the only corporate gown she had. It was black and clingy, accentuating her curves. She wore flats and carried her everyday bag which was a second hand nude colored Balenciaga bag she had purchased at Boundary Market. Her hair was pulled back in a tight knot and she had no makeup on because the heat from the Danfo Bus would have melted the hell out of the makeup like she usually saw happening to most ladies that boarded those buses.

The room was awfully quiet and she became uncomfortable.  One full minute passed and nobody said anything. Somehow, Annie couldn't look elsewhere so she kept her eyes fixed on no one in particular but on the seven of them. They in turn did same and Annie felt her heart beat accelerate. She felt thirsty too and thought if it would be rude to ask for water but thought better of it. Then, the woman broke the silence by saying with a voice that sounded milky but sure, unhurried and confident.

"Hmm, I'm impressed. You're not a chatterbox."
Annie was confused. She didn't know what to say to that. So instead, she shook her head. But the woman continued, smiling this time.

"I like the fact that you didn't try to fill up the silence with unnecessary chats. That's key for us. We value silence in this organisation but the issue we have with you is, you don't have any experience in such matter" she paused, flipped through Annie's cv and glanced at the other men who nodded in agreement while doing likewise. Annie sighed and spoke up finally.

"Ma'am, I want to assure you, I can perform every function in the job description. As you rightly said, I'm not much of a big talker but my actions far outweigh my words. In a positive, productive and effective way I mean. And I know I'm the right candidate for this job cos, I'm detailed, smart and I do not compromise standards for anything" she stopped and waited to hear what would come next. She felt she sounded cheezy but she had to. She needed the job and hoped they would consider her.
The woman smiled knowingly like she knew something only Annie and her knew then she said the familiar words that Annie was fed up of hearing.
"We'll get back to you. Thanks for coming. Do have a nice day" and with that, they all stood up.
Annie replied, "Thanks for having me. I look forward to hearing from you" then she walked out of the room, holding her head up and struggling not to slouch in dejection.
..................

The traffic was hell and by the time Annie got home, it was 6 pm. She had been called into the board room by 3 pm cos she had met a crowd of candidates by the time she got to the company. Bros Zik was at it again.The moment Annie walked into her one room apartment, she heard their moans and groans and this time, she felt like screaming out loud or breaking something. She plugged in her ear piece to her phone and played Magic's "Let your hair down" to block out the noise but she could still hear;
"Ewo! Zik, hei! Ah! easy biko. Ewu! Chimo!"
"Who's ya daddy? Who's ya daddy? You want am?"
"Yes. Yes."
"Oya take am. Ah baby. Take am."
Annie was furious cos she could still hear the noise so she changed into a jogger and a tank top then left the house to take her usual evening stroll. I can't deal with such crude sexual expressions today she thought to herself as she left the Compound.

NEW FSWG SERIES IN THE WORKS!

Hey Darlings!

It's been a minute. I am so sorry for going MIA here; life happened and I found my feet elsewhere. But, it's been great though cos I've learnt so much in the space of two months. Anyways, something awesome is in the works!

Last year, I did two series on here called "BURNT" and "LOLA's 12 DAYS OF XMAS" and the feedback from you guys was amazing. A lot of you went as far as promoting each episode on various social media platforms. I was and still am very much overwhelmed with appreciation for your love and support for my craft. THANK YOU!

So, the great news is, I'm starting another series on the 25th of March, 2018. It's titled; "MEMOIRS OF PISCES"

MEMOIRS OF PISCES: synopsis

This is the story of two people from two different worlds, Annie and Darren. Annie; a Cross River born graduate of Banking &Finance, raised in downtown Ajegule area of Lagos, struggles to get and keep a job. Daren is a disillusioned returnee from England who struggles to keep up with the upbeat lifestyle of Lagos. 

Memoirs of Pisces is a Romantic Drama that'll take you through the psyche of these two people to help you understand the innermost thoughts of the average Nigerian female from downtown Lagos and the not so average Nigerian male.

This series will touch your core as everyone's story will be told through these characters so brace yourselves for a captivating literary journey that will come in episodes as usual.

Spread the word!

DORCAS SHOLA FAPSON, TAXIFY DRIVER & HATEFUL COMMENTS ABOUT HER HARASSMENT.

It's exactly 1:08 am as I write this post. I'm pissed. Totally consumed with anger for the senseless way people (especially women ) talk down on other women in this dear country of ours. I also pity the men who blame women for every mishap that happens to them. I pray none of them or their loved ones experience such unfortunate incident as what happened to MTV's "SUGAR" actress, Dorcas Shola Fapson. It's so upsetting that when issues like rape, molestation, sexual harassment, kidnap, abuse and all come up, the women will say things like; "serves her right! she asked for it. She's ashewo! (a prostitute) why did she wear a short skirt? why did she go out at that time of the day? Is she a virgin? why is she pretending not to like it?". While the men will say; " abi she didn't want to give it to me, now someone else has taken it. She's a ho!. She's just trying to implicate the poor man cos she's a woman" In Dorcas's case, a guy commented on Instablog, "She's too stubborn. Where was she going at night?". Like seriously?! Oh! how I weep for the ignorance of humans.

I don't know what took me to Instablog Naija's page on Instagram where I stumbled on DSF's story of her sordid experience with a Taxify driver. I actually follow her on SnapChat and had seen her snap stories explaining the event. She didn't release the videos but still I didn't really get the picture. Then on Friday, I saw her snap stories again and this time, she was talking about people calling her a "liar" who was only trying to frame up the "innocent guy" and gain popularity from it. That didn't really get to me cos of course, people spit shit occasionally but then, I saw the two videos she released and right there in the coolness of my office, I froze, I panicked cos I could feel the fear and threat she felt as she screamed in the second video where the driver was dragging her out of the car. I was automatically reminded of my own ordeal with another taxify driver two weeks ago who caused a scene, laid hands on my laptop bag and suit as well as threatened to beat up my friend and I outside our house all because, he had refused to listen to the direction I gave him after picking me from my office and had chosen to drive me around Lekki for close to twenty minutes on a trip that usually took me just about ten minutes.

His annoyance was that even if he was at fault, I was to pay him the extra amount that accumulated the fare which I wasn't willing to. I had paid him the actual amount I was to pay cos there was no surge and refused cos, he had taken his time on the trip, driving in a snail like motion, stopping and parking at will on the road, taking his time to go through his phone, driving slowly again, before finally entering a street I could finally recognize.

Luckily, my friend knows one of Taxify's staff so we called and I was able to speak to a customer care representative who took down the details of the incident, apologized and assured me that I would receive an email the following day about the penalty that will be meted out to the driver. Unfortunately, I never got any mail till date. I chose not to talk about it cos I'm not the type that would go to any extent to make someone lose a job but I'm writing about this today cos I'm ashamed of  some of the comments I'm reading on Instablog's page; especially those coming from some of the women. It reeks of hate, vindictiveness, vengeance, envy and worse of all ignorance. Why so judgmental people?!

I don't know what really ensued between Dorcas and that driver cos I wasn't there but seriously though, didn't anyone see that video? And to that person that decided to become Investigator and got the driver's side of the story, did the background of that video look like a safe place? How did he suddenly drive Dorcas to his own house at that time of the night? Why did he choose a dark and isolated area to park if really she refused to pay him his money? Where were the concerned residents and his sisters while Dorcas was screaming in the video? how come they didn't show up while she was screaming but they showed up while he was shouting for help?

Another thing is, let's say for instance it wasn't a case of rape, was this driver supposed to harass her like that? I don't get it but my question now is for those women lashing out at Dorcas, is this the way you love to be treated and mishandled by a stranger you've never met before? Would you love to be dropped and dragged in an unknown location in the middle of the night? Honestly, I really pray this doesn't happen to any of you cos if it does, the stigma might not even allow you come out to speak about it.

Dorcas isn't my friend or sister but I am writing this as someone who's had a similar experience. I mean, if it wasn't for the security guards in our compound that day, God knows what that driver would have done to my friend and I cos even after we entered the compound, he banged on the gate and tried to come in as well.  Dorcas's case isn't the first, someone on Snap Chat also complained that that same driver tried to rape her twin sister save for the fact that she was able to escape out of the moving car! Jeez! And that makes me wonder about other victims of such circumstances who can't come out to speak.

To Taxify, it's high time you handled these issues professionally. If you're out for business, you should have measures to handle and curtail crisis like these. The appropriate measures should be taken to ensure the safety of your clients as well as the drivers. I don't even want to talk about some of the drivers who are arrogant and can just cancel a trip on you even after arriving at your pickup location; thereby wasting your time. In the process, they taint the image and spoil the hustle of the honest and hard working drivers out there. Dear Taxify, call your people to order! A customer relations training organised for them is highly recommended for them at this point. Do you even know your drivers well enough to trust them with the lives of people? Asides that, they should also be taught safety measures to protect themselves as well in a civilized way and not in such horrendous manner as what I saw that driver do in Dorcas'video.

Dear Nigerians, it is not every celebrity that likes cheap fame and would go to the extent of bringing down non celebrities just to achieve such and also, it is not every hard working, hustling person out there that's honest in achieving their goals. In other words, it's not every wealthy person that's wicked and it's not every poor person that's the victim. It happens Vice Versa sometimes too. Let's not be too quick to judge cos it just might be you.

I hope this ends well for both parties.

IF I WERE A BOY... GLORY's Version

I've always loved great soul singers like Jill Scott (http://bit.ly/2BhsFY5), India Arie (http://bit.ly/2DnRnbb) and Beyonce (http://bit.ly/2G3o9Qr) even if their music sort of falls in the different genres of Jazz, Soul, and RnB. I love their lyrics, musical compositions and all but the icing on the cake is the soul in their music. When they sing, you can literally feel the life behind every word and somehow, the blend of strength and weakness in their voice gives a new definition of the power of music. Their musical ideologies are similar as well as they sing a lot about the black woman; the color of her skin, her love, her life, her pain, her needs, her wants, her style, her dreams, her hopes, her strength and her weakness.

Jill Scott sure does a good job emphasizing on "how to treat a woman right" in most of her

songs but Beyonce really hit the nail on the head with one particular track from her "I Am... Shasha Fierce" album (http://bit.ly/2DU9c2n). When I first listened to "If I were a boy" I was totally smitten by the freshness of the rhythm and the cool vibe of the song. It was totally different from Beyonce's style. I loved the lyrics as well but I've never really given much thought about the lyrics until today.  Strange right?

In that song, Beyonce is pissed with the insensitive nature of boys/men towards (although, some say it was Jay Z) women and says that she'd rather be more attentive, understanding, loving and a better man which in my opinion is what most women want asides material things. So, I created my own list of things I would do if I were male.

1. I'd be more sensitive not just for myself but for others
2. I'd respect women 
3. I'd listen more and not just hear her talk cos I really want to understand her perspective
4. I'd be considerate cos selfishness's got many faces
5. I'd be thoughtful. This is highly imperative cos I don't know if I should call it ignoring the needful or plain ignorance but most guys could be really clueless about what women want and when they're reminded, they call the woman a "nag"
6. I won't be quick to call a woman a hoe cos she refused to have sex with me but chooses to date my friend instead. After all, guys do it more often too.
7. I won't be too quick to label my girlfriend materialistic if she asks for cash after all, she doesn't call me a fuck boy when I ask for sex
8. I won't encourage my woman to be all natural and then chase after chicks with fake extensions in hair, lashes, nails, bum, boobs, hips, and lenses. If I want her to wear the costumes, I'd gladly ask her to and not deceive her.
9.  I'd defend her honour and not allow my friends or other people to talk down on her
10. I'd play with her cos damn! some guys are just too stiff and unnecessarily too serious.
11. I'd take her places. I won't be ashamed of introducing her as my woman. I'll mean it when I say it cos I won't introduce other women in that manner.
12. I won't tell her "behave yourself in public" while I turn a loose cannon cos most men are guilty of this crime against female expression. 
13. I won't subject her to the silent treatment. If we've got issues, we'll talk about it or communicate in our own special way cos a lot of guys think that torturing a woman with silence would set her straight. Bad news is, it doesn't and never will. 
14. I'll help her and not make her struggle alone if there's a challenge
15. I'll be faithful to her cos she knows I'm expecting her to do same
16. I'd support her dreams and help her grow. I won't see her success as a threat.
17. I won't be stingy with compliments. 
18. I won't make her feel like I'm doing her a favour by dating/being married to her cos some guys thinks exactly this way. Jeez!
19. I'd respect her time cos I won't want her to disrespect mine.
20. I'll practice the rule of omission instead of lying endlessly cos I'll definitely need another lie to cover the existing lie. 
21. Let her past remain there, I won't go digging and I won't use any of what I know about her against her cos I've got my own past too. Heck! everyone's got a story to tell.
22. I won't make stupid promises I know I won't keep. 
23. I won't just tell her but I'll show her that I love her cos sometimes, words are dust if they're not backed up with proof.

Of course, I won't turn into a saint cos I'm not; I'm not perfect in that way but from my survey, these are some basic things that women want from their men. So, if you have anything contrary to this, please feel free to share in the comments section below. If you're a guy reading this and you feel there are things you'd do better if you were a girl, also feel free to state them in the comments sections below.

Cheers!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! (Sorry It's Coming Late Everyone)

Wheew!

What an amazing 2018 it's been so far! What's up everyone? Happy New Year! I'm so sorry it's coming late but it's better late than never ain't it? So, I've been meaning to write, write and write more but I've been doing a great job with procrastination. Many thanks to the many changes in my life, I'm seriously trying to adjust into the new roles that God has fashioned out for me and thankfully, I'm doing an amazing job already.

2017 was a bitter sweet year for me and I'll be doing a post about "Things I learnt in 2017". Then I'll share a lot of my experiences; I mean, the good the bad and the ugly. So for those of you that created one form of drama or the other in my life last year, you had better come and appease the gods (me of course!) or else, your file will be opened on my blog.

Lol

That was a joke!

Anyways, major announcement everyone. My YouTube channel, "Frankly Speaking with Glory" (http://bit.ly/2rpqO3Q) will be back to life next week and I'm talking about episodes that are fun and engaging. I'll be sharing and writing more about the issues I discuss in my videos so please everyone, I'll need your comments, contributions, and suggestions if any on my YouTube channel and here on the blog. Remember, Frankly Speaking with Glory is a platform where I share my opinion about various issues and you are definitely welcome to do same in the comments section.

By the way, if you enjoyed my FSWG Series last year, simply comment "Yay!" in the comments section as well. I've been getting amazing reviews about the stories and I'm fired up to write more however, I've got new engagements this year that'll be taking a lot of my time so I really need feedback from you guys to know if I should continue with the series. There's "BURNT" the story of Mila and "Lola's 12 Days of Xmas" my Xmas series.  If you haven't read any of them yet, feel free to do so as the episodes are available here

on the blog.

To all of you my amazing readers, thanks a million, you're the best. Don't worry, our Give Away will still come up this year. If you aren't following my blog yet, what are you waiting for? Hurry! Join the family.

All said, do have a prosperous and fruitful New Year everyone!

DAY 12 (LOLA'S 12 DAYS OF XMAS) THE END

Morning

I think I'm beginning to love Christmas. I'm loving the feel of being pregnant, I'm sort of happy with the fact that Jeff is here lying beside me in a deep sleep. Somehow, I'm loving the feel of being engaged not just to some random man but to Jeff Oku. He totally fits the picture. Okay; not the successful picture now but, he is my perfect match. He knows me completely and no matter how many times I've pushed him away or been cruel to him, he still comes back loving me harder than before. I remember once I quarreled with him for no reason as usual. That day, I asked him to leave my house at about 2 am in the morning. He left and showed up the next day at my office after work hours, asked my driver to take my car home and waited until I finally agreed to go with him. He had taken me home, prepared me dinner and we had moved on like nothing happened.

Several times, I have tried to make our relationship all about sex so there won't be any strings attached but Jeff had managed to escape that. He always knew how to fill up every moment with something. I thought I would never have any need for him but now, as I look down at his face sleeping peacefully, my hand moved up to my stomach and I'm filled with overwhelming joy cos I know now that this is right. My being pregnant is the best thing to have happened to me at this point in my life and what's more special about it is the man with whom I'll be raising this big bundle of joy that God has blessed me with.

Jeff will be the best Dad ever. If he can tolerate my excesses and accept me for who I am no matter how horrible I've been to him, then he can nurture our child to be as kind, loving, caring, thoughtful and gorgeous as he is. How lucky can one get? No, I'm blessed. There's my family; Mom, Tinu, Darey, my aunts and relatives, all of whom are great people. They're extra but, they are amazing. I am so blessed.

I still haven't told Jeff of the pregnancy yet so as I watched him turn on the bed with his arm searching for me, I took it and placed it on my stomach. He slowly opened his eyes and when he saw me, he smiled. I laughed and said,

"Hey... searching for something?"
"Hmm, you of course" he replied as he kissed my hand on his
"I love you Jeff Oku" I said

I felt him stiffen in shock but he relaxed almost immediately. I understood the reason and smiled. You see, for the five years I have known Jeff, I have never used that phrase except now. He sat up and brought his face close to mine.

"Say it again... please..."
"I love you Jeff" I whispered

He sighed heavily with relief and drew me into a warm hug.

"I love you more" he said
"I know and that's scary. Why do you love me so much Jeff? I mean, you can have any woman you want yet, you choose to remain with a hard nut like me." I asked

Jeff leaned back. He looked away and the next things I heard made me weak. 

"Lola, I was once like you. I was really mean to girls. I knew I had the looks, the wealth and all so I really used it to the detriment of the ladies that wanted my affection. I had fun doing it. Then I met you, I was stoned the moment I saw you and was bent on having you at all cost. But I never knew I was in for a bumpy ride. All of your meanness only made me love you more. You weren't like the other ones; you were strong with a mind of your own, you were successful, never needy, and you took what you wanted when you wanted it.

All you did to me was exactly what I was doing to those other women in my life. At some point, I realized I couldn't let you go, no matter what cos no matter how bad we fight, I still saw in you the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. It was like you had bewitched me to punish me for my crimes and I was ready to take it all so long as you were mine. So you see, I've got a story too"

I felt guilty all at once "Jeff, I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I had trust issues and I wasn't ready to let anyone in so I built my defenses high enough to ward off any ounce of affection. I'm so sorry. One day, you'll know my story too"

He took my face in his and said seriously, "Listen Lolly, everyone has a story to tell and I don't care how bad yours is, all I care about is you. The you I see now is enough for me. I don't need any more conviction"

With that, I knew I had to tell him about the pregnancy. I took his hand again and placed it on my stomach without leaving his eyes. I circled the little bump down there with his hand continuously while he looked at me with a confused expression. Then realization dawned on him and he laughed.

"This is unbelievable!"
I laughed too as I nodded in affirmation "It is so real Jeff! I'm almost three months gone"
"And I've been wondering what's come over you ! I should impregnate you every two years so you'll be this mushy all the time"

That cracked me up and I hit his head playfully,

"You're so silly Jeff"
"I know!" he exclaimed still surprised. "Thank you Lola. You've made my wish come true. I promise you, we'll be so happy" he said and lay his face on my stomach as if in supplication then he asked,

"Can I touch you though? I've never made love to a pregnant woman before. I'll love to try now"

I giggled and pulled off my nightie. I had nothing underneath and that made things easier but slow, sweet and passionate.

....................

Evening

We were back from church and the moment we all got out of our cars, Mom made the big announcements to my aunts and the shouts of joy was so loud that it got the attention of nearby neighbors including Mama Ireti. Yes about her, she has been MIA. Her children came to visit so she had been fully booked with no time for her regular dose of gossip but tonight, we all gathered outside the compound for the fireworks that the estate usually organized. As the fire crackers went up the skies letting out powerful explosions, we all screamed "Happy New Year". We hugged and kissed and congratulated each other for seeing a new year alive, well and together in love.

......................

It hasn't been a terrible 12 days has it? Though, it had started on the wrong foot but it has ended in blessings, more love and peace most importantly. I'm definitely looking forward to another 12 days of Xmas with my family; both old and new of course. Till then, Happy New Year to you as well.

DAY 11 (LOLA'S 12 DAYS OF XMAS)

Noon

It's day eleven in Mom's house and I'm still sane. After the news of my pregnancy, I thought I would lose my mind but strangely, I haven't. I've accepted my fate; I've decided to give it a try and see how well or bad I'll fare in this phase of my life. I'm thirty five, unmarried, beautiful, successful, wealthy, with a new qualification added to my achievements, "soon to be Mom". Sounds weird but I'm curious to see how it goes.

Mom had come to stay with me the whole of this morning. She had taken her time to talk to me about
the three stages of pregnancy, and had explained to me what to expect every month. She had even suggested that Darey be my private doctor so that he would be at my beck and call but I had immediately refused. I didn't want that much intrusion from my family any more than they already have. I want to go through this process alone and savor every moment of it. This is a new world I'm stepping into and if I have to do it, I would need all the privacy I can get to focus and carry it well. 

Mom had finally opened the door and had told Tinu to take me on a drive for fresh air. She had banned me from driving myself henceforth thankfully. At least, we agree on that level. I hate driving myself. So finally, I've earned my freedom. Tinu had driven me around the estate and then taken me to Shoprite just around the corner to see a movie. On our way, we shared small talk that gradually flowed into sensitive grounds.

"Tinu, how are you and Darey now?" I asked genuinely concerned
"We're good as usual. No problem at all" she answered brightly
I looked at her closely to be sure she wasn't hiding anything before asking "Are you sure?"
"Yes! Don't worry, we never carry any grudge to the next day Sister Lola" she replied still smiling

I sighed and looked ahead shifting my mind to my own thoughts. Then Tinu said,

"I think you'll be a great Mom to it Sister Lola"

That took me unawares and my eyes moistened as I shook my head at her,

"Naa, I don't know about that. I'm a really selfish person. I've never liked kids and now, I'm about to have one. I don't even know how I'll be able to share my time with it"
She laughed and said happily, "I'm glad you just admitted that you're a selfish person. You really are a pain in the ass you know."

I laughed as well as I thought about what she said. Somehow, she was right but I just can't help myself.

.........................

Evening

It was about 7:30 pm and everyone was in the living room watching TV. It was sort of a significant moment for us all as that will be the last day we'll have such an opportunity to be that close as a family again. Tomorrow is the 31st ; cross over night that meant that we all would go to church and pray our way into the New Year. No one dared miss that service because of Mom of course. Also, after the service, I would have to go back to my house and continue with my life which will be in a different way now.

So we all were enjoying a movie on African Magic when a car started honking it's horn outside the gate. Mom asked Bayo to go and check cos she wasn't expecting anyone. My aunts and relatives would arrive tomorrow for the cooking and New Year celebration. Bayo went out and after about fifteen minutes, he returned. Then he announced,

"Mami, there's a man outside that wants to come and see you"

Mom turned around and looked at Bayo, the others did same but I wasn't interested in whatever the stranger had to do with Mom. He's probably one of the neighbors coming to thank Mom for the food we shared some days back. Mom stood up and went to meet the man outside then after a while she came in with the man. She was giving instructions to Bayo to take in a brief case and from the sound of her voice, it was obvious she was really excited. Curiosity made me turn to look at her cos I just didn't understand what her neighbour had said to make her so happy.

"Lola, Jeff Oku is here to see you"

I was stone shocked when I saw Jeff standing there, tall, handsome and dark in all of his glory. He was wearing his business suit and was smiling at me. I quickly looked around at Tinu, Darey and the kids faces; they all looked shocked as well. I don't know if it was about his looks or the fact that they couldn't believe that I have a man in my life. I carefully stood up, walked to Jeff and dragged him to my room. I could hear everyone groan in a, "here she goes again" way but I didn't care. I closed the door when we were inside and faced him angrily.

"What the hell are you doing here?!"
"Sweety Pea, I'm glad I finally found your Mom's place. It wasn't easy though."He said pulling me into a bear hug

I immediately pulled back and shouted "Don't touch me, you'll hurt it!" and unconsciously, my hand went up to stomach protectively

Jeff looked confused as he asked "What's 'it'?" he asked

I almost bit my tongue in realization that I had spilled the bean too soon then I quickly removed my hands from my stomach. Jeff was too smart for my liking cos he was quick to smell a rat. I stuttered for the first time ever since I had know Jeff.

"The...the... question is why are you here? I...I... didn't ask you to come so why are you here?"

He was looking at me strangely, not answering my questions but I continued as I remembered the stupid box of chocolates. I went to my wardrobe and brought it out.

"Here, have your stupid box of chocolates"  I shoved it at him

He took it, opened it and went on his knees. My heart skipped and I was rooted to the spot in shock. I have been with an engagement ring in my closet for days without knowing it!

"Lolly, I actually sent you the chocolates on purpose. I knew you wouldn't open the box so I sent it anyways cos I wanted to do this in person. I know you don't love me enough to want to give up your freedom for a life with me but I love you just the way you are. You are annoying, over bearing, selfish, and a pain in my neck but beyond all of that, I see a beautiful soul who's got a heart of gold. And Lola, no matter how hard you try to make yourself look insensitive and difficult, I want you more."

I had to stop him before he said anymore, "Trust me Jeff, you don't want a life with me. I'm a hand full. You of all people should know that!"
"And that is what I want Lola. I feel incomplete whenever your drama doesn't come in it's regular dose. All I want to do is love you the way I always have. I need you to complete me. Please, say yes...just say yes and let me handle the rest. Please..."

I stood quiet, refusing to say anything. Just then, the door burst open and Mom stormed in shouting and removing her head scarf to tie around her waist. She looked funny as she stared shouting,

"Lola, you better say yes o! You better say yes! This year must not pass you by. Oya, se kia!"

I was laughing so hard already and then I said yes. Jeff sagged to his knees with relief and Mom ran out the room screaming.

"Lola is married o! Lola is married!"

I heard them in the living room screaming for joy as well. Oh Mom! The apple definitely doesn't fall far from the tree.

DAY 10 (LOLA'S 12 DAYS OF XMAS)

Morning

I wake up this morning to meet my breakfast of boiled Irish potatoes and tomato sauce on my dressing table but when I tried opening my door, it was still locked. I went into the bathroom brushed my teeth, did my facials and had my morning bath. Somehow, I was beginning to feel heavy. Maybe it's the knowledge of being pregnant, I don't know. But I found myself being extra careful with the way I walk, the way I washed my stomach area during my bath, the way I sat on the chair at my dressing table to apply my moisturizers and the way I adjusted myself on the little couch in my room. Was I beginning to be over protective of this fragile thing inside of me? Was I beginning to accept it?

I had woken up in the middle of the night, stood in front of my mirror and kept staring at my stomach. So many thoughts ran through my head at that point, a lot of bad thoughts actually. I even thought of drinking my Gucci perfume but then, I realized that I could die in the process. I also thought of deliberately falling in the bathroom, face down so that I could hit my stomach on the floor but I also realized that I would definitely suffer a head concussion and some terrible bruises. But I thought, "No, It wasn't worth it". In trying to kill a thing I did not want, I would end up hurting myself terribly and I couldn't bear such pain. I had knelt in front of the mirror and asked it questions like; why did you come to me? why did you choose now to afflict me with this manner of dilema? But I got no answers. Instead, I felt warmth flowing from my inside.

I know Mom's intention. She's trying to make me bond with it the same way she would lock Tinu and I outside the house whenever we quarreled so that we would resolve our dispute and bond anew. I could swear her plan was working cos I was feeling this warmth I had never felt before and it was like a strong connection, almost electrifying. I was still in shock about the whole thing and I was done beating myself for the mistake. It's happened and there's no turning back. If I even dared remain adamant about getting rid of it, Mom would keep me locked up here for as long as it would take to make me change my mind. Am I ready to keep it? Am I ready to be a Mom? Am I ready to give up myself for some tiny fraction of myself that would depend on me for the most part of it's life? Am I ready to share my time? Am I ready to be called 'Mom'? I don't know.

I felt mentally drained as I ate my breakfast.

....................

Noon.

I was having a nap when Mom walked into the room. She shook me awake and when I open my eyes, she had brought me Lunch of Yam porridge cooked with vegetables. She laid it on the bed and poured me some water to drink first before eating. I did as she had said cos I woke up famished. I had thrown up earlier after breakfast and was feeling light from hunger. Mom sat on the couch in my room, watching me eat.

"Lola, are you angry with me?" she asked
I paused on the food to look at her before answering "No Mami"
"You know I want the best for you right?"
I nodded still eating but she continued
"If you had noticed, I didn't ask you about the father because I don't want you to worry about that first. I had to lock you in here because, I wanted you to think about your decision. I did it out of the love of a mother. Do you understand?" she said
"I understand Mami. It's just that, I'm sacred. I don't know how to do this. I only know how to take care of myself; I don't know how to take care of someone else." I answered with watery eyes.

Mom left her seat and came to join me on the bed.

"Lola, What makes you think you can't take care of it? Look at me, you've been looking after me since your father died. To me, you are my mother. And why am I still alive if I can't help you take care of the baby when it's born? Ife mi, you're not alone in this!" she said vehemently
I shook my head and said, "Oh Mom! I don't want to be a single Mom. It won't be fair on it to grow up without a father."

Mom took my hand in hers while thinking about what she wanted to say before talking,

"Tell me then, who's the father?"
I hesitated first but I replied after a bit,  "Jeff. His name is Jeff Oku. He's a lawyer"
Mom's face lit up with the brightest smile ever as she spoke excitedly, "Oluwa e seun o! Does he know yet?"
I shook my head
"Please tell him today. He must know!"
"Mom! I can't. I've been a very terrible person to him. Always have been. If I tell him, he would think I'm trying to tie him down with responsibilities. It would kill my ego if he begins to think so about me" I whined
"Look at you, you sound just like a man Lola. Listen, call him and tell him. He has a right to know that he has a child somewhere. Do it today!" she urged me
"Okay Mami. I'll tell him in person when I go back home. Please..." I pleaded
She shrugged but agreed then she got up and packed up the dirty plates to the kitchen. I was left alone again pondering on how I was going to tell Jeff.

......................

Evening

My life is a movie. The things that have happened are things I wouldn't have believed would happen. My stay in Lebanon had turned me into a pawn in the hands of men. On one occasion, I had taken in and immediately removed it. It had been easier for me to move on cos I had a target but I hated my lifestyle and I wasn't ready to keep relics of that life. My new life now is something I have carved out for myself. I play my own tunes and I dance to them the way I want without putting my back down for favors. I'm not bothered if Jeff accepts or refuses responsibility for the baby, I've made up my mind. I know now what must be done.

I get up from my bed to go out but the door is still locked.

Oh Mom!

DAY 9 (LOLA'S 12 DAYS OF XMAS)

Morning

I had another bout of throwing up again from 8 am this morning. This time, I locked myself in my bathroom so that Mom won't catch me unawares. She would immediately sniff the truth if she caught me throwing up again another day. Afterwards, I brushed my teeth thoroughly to kill the bile taste in my mouth. I do my usual skin ritual and had a warm bath. I went to the in built mirror on the wall beside my wardrobe to do a thorough check up of my body. I locked the door to my room first so no one would barge in on me.

My stomach was still flat but I noticed a slight bump like I had overfed my self or was I seeing double? I turned to my side to see if really I was growing a bump; it was there like it wasn't there at all. I placed my hands on my breasts, feeling their weight. They were slightly heavy, not bigger than normal but just slightly heavy. My nipples were bigger and tender. All of a sudden, the consciousness that I was carrying another life inside of me overwhelmed me and I started trembling. I had a tornado of emotions running through me; I was angry, scared, sad and confused.  I knew then that I had messed up real bad.

How I did I allow this happen? I had been so confident and sure that my pills were working. I had taken an injection to stop my monthly flow for a while and it was when the six months duration had expired that I consulted my doctor to put me on the pills. Is it possible that just missing the pill for once could cause this misfortune to happen to me?

"There's only one way to this Lola. Get rid of it" I said to myself and started dressing up to go out. If I'm going to do this, I have to do this today.

........................

I had just packed a bag with an extra cloth, undies, and my laptop. I unlocked the door and stepped out of the room but then, I forgot my car keys so I went back inside to get them. Just when I had picked them up, Tinu walked into my room teary eyed. She had probably cried herself to sleep as well. I was surprised when I saw her cos I hadn't heard her open the door.

"Why didn't you mention any of it to me Sister Lola?" she said tearfully
"Mention what?" I asked irritated. I was in a foul mood already. My predicament was giving me enough headache and Tinu wants to come and add hers.
She sniffed and said "That you dated Darey back in the University"
I answered impatiently "Well, as you said 'back in the University', that's in the past"
"You think so? Oh my God! I can't believe I've been married to someone who sees you when he looks at me." she sniffed again
"What do you mean Tinu? Look I don't have time for this. I've got an appointment somewhere." I started walking towards the door but she stopped me midway.
"No sister Lola. You don't get to leave. Look at you, your life is so perfect. You have it all, you're beautiful and sexy, you don't lack anything, you can have any man you want so why won't Darey marry me? To be closer to you since he couldn't have you even if you dumped him. So, I'm like the substitute that he gets to settle for!"

I was surprised and disappointed that she would interpret things that way so I lashed out at her.

"Shut the hell up Tinu! Shut your mouth before I shut it up for you! Jeez! you are so selfish! You always want everything to be about you. You think I dumped him because I wanted to? I had to hustle so that we could have a life. Dad was broke remember? And he kept on falling sick until he died. Mom couldn't afford to give you an education so I had sex my way to Lebanon, sex my way to survive while there  and also sex my way to pay for my Masters so that you too could have an education. I was tired of the lack we suffered Tinu.

I didn't inform Darey that I was leaving cos he won't understand and when I returned, he had married you. What was I to do then huh?! Yank him away from you?" I was shedding tears now. Tinu looked shocked but I didn't stop, I continued. I just needed to purge myself off this anger burning in my chest.

"You've got no idea how hard it was to pleasure those greedy men so they could release their money." I paused and looked at her then added, "Darey loves you Tinu. I'm a cold bitch and he knows it. I don't love him, I don't even think I can love any man anymore. Not even a baby. Everything I have now, is as a result of the tough decisions I had to make and I don't regret any of it."

I leaned against the door to catch my breath. I felt fatigue all of a sudden. Our voices had been loud as we shouted as each other but I didn't care. Tinu took slow steps towards me and said carefully,

"I'm so sorry Sister Lola. I didn't know you went through all of that for us but you've got to keep that baby inside you and love it cos it will bring you happiness"
"It's none of your business Tinu. Stay out of this" I replied

At that point, Mom barged into the room with a dumbfounded expression on her face. She had probably heard the noise coming from my room and had come to check. I am done for.

"Which baby?" she asked

None of us spoke and she shouted,

"Which baby?!

Tinu quickly answered, "Lola is pregnant"
Mom jumped as she shouted again "Jesu! E seun o! (Jesus, thank you!)"

She put her hand on my breasts and after some seconds, she removed it and said smiling,

"it's still young but it's growing. Oh Ife mi! God bless you! You've made me so happy?"
"I'm not keeping it Mom. I'm getting rid of it" I said looking her straight in the eye.

Before I knew it, I felt a heavy slap on my face. It was so unexpected that I staggered and started crying. Mom started shouting furiously.

"Abi o nya were ni?!(Are you mad?) Do you think you are still a child? Do you know how many women are out there looking for children?! Lola if you do anything to that child I will disown you! Oponu!"

I heard the voices of Darey and Tinu pleading with Mom to calm down but she kept ranting. Then she shocked everyone. She called Bayo to bring the food she had prepared for me for breakfast, then she told everyone to go out, she locked me inside my room and went out with the key.

I ate the food and out of exhaustion, I fell into a deep sleep.
....................

Evening

I'm under house arrest. I can't even open the door to the room except Mom unlocks it which she didn't. I saw my dinner of yam porridge with some fruit Salad on my dressing table and ate it soberly. I'm brooding on what to do but nothing comes to my head. All I feel now is fear.

DAY 8 (LOLA'S 12 DAYS OF XMAS)

Morning.

I woke up this morning feeling terribly nauseous. My night was restless cos I had been feverish. I checked for the time; it was just 7 am. I tried standing up to go to the bathroom but I felt really light headed and dizzy so I relaxed back on the bed. I turn on the Tv just for some distraction from the way I was feeling but before I knew it, I saw myself on the floor of my bathroom throwing up. By the time I was done, I was too weak to get up. I stayed there for some time and dosed off cos the spasm kept shaking me up and I kept throwing up.

.................

Noon

I open my eyes to find myself on my bed. There was a cool towel on my fore head, Mom was beside me muttering some prayers under her breath, Tinu was just ushering the kids out of my room while Darey was seated opposite my bed and watching me intently. Our eyes met and he immediately stood up with his stethoscope. Mom noticed the movements and she as well quickly turned to face me whilst thanking God audibly now.

"Oluwa ese o! Lola, bawo ni ara e nsi?  (Thank you God! Lola, how are you feeling now)?"
I tried sitting up as I replied. "o re mi Mami.  (I'm tired) What happened?" I asked
"I found you collapsed on your bathroom floor after waiting for you to come out all morning. Oh! Thanks to God, you're alright" she was touching my head with the back of her hand
"All morning?!" I asked feeling too weak to express how baffled I was. I checked the wall clock, it was 2 pm.

Darey who had been standing aside and watching us talk cleared his throat "Ehem. Mami, please go and prepare pepper soup for her while I do another checkup on her. Don't worry, she'll be alright"
"Ok. Lola, mo pa da bo. (I'm coming back) Let me go and prepare the food"
I nodded then she left.

Darey inserted the stethoscope in his ears and started checking my pulse. Afterwards, he sat at the foot of the bed looking at me as if waiting for a signal to talk. I was looking at him warily as well then tired of the mind games we were playing, I broke the silence.

"Alright, what is it?"
He ignored the acidic tone I used and answered "What did you eat yesterday Lola?"
"Fried rice and shrimps. Why?"
He was quiet as he took notes on his tab.
"Do you think I had food poisoning? Cos if it's the shrimps, it was properly cooked"
He stopped and looked at me, sighed and then said, "No Lola, you didn't have food poisoning, you're pregnant. You should avoid eating shrimps again."

My jaw dropped down. It's not true, it can't be, it's impossible. I laughed hysterically. Darey was looking at me like I was crazy.

"Listen Dr. Darey Adeola, I had food poisoning, I passed out, I'm awake now and I'm alright. Thank you but you're wrong."
Darey shook his head "Lola, you're pregnant and it's nine weeks old. You should be happy."
I looked at him with so much hate before shouting "Shut up Darey! Shut up your bloody lying mouth! I am not pregnant! And let me not hear a word of this outside this room else, you're done."
"What is your problem Lola?! Aren't you tired of being alone?! Now God has been kind enough to bless you with a gift of child and you're here rejecting it? How selfish can you get?!"

That enraged me and I stood up as I released the pent up emotion that had been eating me up

"You dare call me selfish? You dare call me selfish?! You who left me for my younger sister dare call me selfish? You're a sick joke!"
"Really? You think so? Well first, I had no idea she was your sister. Second, what did you expect me to do? We were an item on campus for three years then after graduation, you disappeared without a word. What was I to do Lola? Tell me.''
"Even at that, why did it have to be Tinu? Why?" I shouted again
"Because she healed my heart. She made loving a woman easy for me again. I never even knew she was your sister cos you never introduced me to your family."

I broke down to the floor and started crying and Darey came around to my side of the bed. He put a hand on my shoulder and said,

"What happened wasn't anyone's fault Lola. Maybe God had other plans for us. I don't regret marring Tinu and I'm sure you've been happy with your life just as I am with mine"

I didn't answer him. I shrugged off his hand from my shoulder and at that point, Tinu walked into the room. I and Dare looked up together and before we could say anything, she went out again and Darey went after her. I couldn't understand the look I had seen on her face but somehow, I didn't feel bad that she had possibly heard our conversation. I felt bad for myself; for dragging out long buried corpses from the shadows of my memory.

.........................

Evening

I didn't go out of my room throughout today. Thankfully, Darey and Tinu had been quiet about the news of my pregnancy so when Mom had brought the pepper soup to my room, I didn't notice any change in her mood. She had stayed with me for a while after I refused going to the living room for fresh air. She had served me dinner again, avoiding adding any sea food as Darey had advised her. He had told her I was allergic to sea food so she made my dinner with chicken instead.

.......................

Left alone, I ponder on the news about my pregnancy. How did I miss the signs? I stood up and went to my mirror to properly look at myself. Yes, my flat tummy is same and my body still looked same if not, Mom would have noticed the difference but how did this happen? Yeah, the last time I had had sex without my pills was in October but I had used them as usual in November. how did this happen? Oh no! I'm not ready, I've never been ready and I don't think I'll ever be ready to be a Mom to some tiny being who'll be helplessly dependent on me for life. I can't do this. I have to get rid of this immediately before Mom finds out.

I went back to bed and cried myself to sleep.

DAY 7 (LOLA'S 12 DAYS OF XMAS)

Morning

It's Boxing Day and as I wake up, I pray that there'll be no literal boxing in this house but somehow, I wished I could see Jeff and box some sense into his legal head. Of all the things he claimed to know about me, he had gotten the chocolate gift wrong and that is completely unacceptable. Five more days to go and I'll see him then, I'll give him what he deserves.

You see; about Jeff, I like him. Yeah, I'll admit I do but not to the extent of letting myself go all for him. It will take a whole army to make me stoop that low for a man. I met Jeff five years ago at a board meeting. He had attended as the legal officer representing another major organisation to read through a contract that was to be finalized that day between both companies. I had noticed that he was stealing glances at me all through the meeting but had his full attention on the procedure at hand. After the meeting, he had walked up to me to introduce himself. I laugh every time I remember our conversation that day. I was walking to my car as he was talking.

"Hello. Excuse me... Hi, I'm Jeff Oku.  May I have the pleasure of meeting you?"

I had looked at him, head to toe to see if he was worth talking to. I was impressed by what I saw. He was tall and tall as I was, he was still taller than me by an inch. For a lawyer, he looked well built like he took his fitness routines serious. He had a handsome face with low cropped hair and a neatly shaved mustache. He looked well groomed and expensive but I wasn't interested. I still had Terry, my six months old bed mate and I was thinking of dumping him cos I was already tired of him complaining of not seeing me as often as he wanted. I had answered Jeff, "No." and kept on walking but he didn't stop following me.

"Okay. I don't mind getting to know you in the nearest future but I like what I see... beauty and brains"

I stopped and fully turned to face him before saying, "Now cut the chase Jeff or whatever. I noticed you looking at me in there. What do you want? To fuck me? Cos if that's what you want, I've got a fuck buddy already so, no thanks" I had started walking away feeling triumphant but he said things that stopped me in my tracks.

"On the question of if I want to fuck you, yes but, I'm not in a hurry. I've got other plans. Meanwhile, tell your fuck buddy to step down cos by the time we begin, three will definitely become a crowd"

That said, he put his card in my hand and said "That's my card, memorize my number so that when I call, you'll know it's me" then he walked away

I was again impressed. This time, not because of his looks but because of the way he handled the conversation. I'm used to being in charge and on the norm, I go after my own men. I select the ones I want and when I'm done with them, I move on but this time, Jeff took control of not just the conversation that day, but he went through the pains of chasing me. I gave him a hard time for six months but he didn't give up. Then on my thirtieth birthday; the first of July, he booked an all expense paid trip for me to go shopping in Paris for a week, alone. I was shocked. There and then, I knew he was my match. But, I had to warn him about commitments. I gave him my rules, I told him I didn't like clingy, intrusive men and he shouldn't expect that our friendship would lead to anything else. He agreed.

However, as the years passed, Jeff kept breaking the rules but somehow, I haven't been able to dump him cos, unlike the other men, there was nothing routine about us. We saw each other like four times in a month because of our busy schedules and we go on vacation together once in a year. He fit into the role perfectly and sometimes, I wonder if I really need him. I ended up allowing myself to let him stick around for a while longer but this year, I think we've been together far too long. We need to take a break.

..............................

Noon

I was at the dinning having lunch. Mom had prepared fresh fried rice and shrimps for me cos she knows I hate left over food. Tinu had gone to the movies with her  family, Bayo had accompanied Mummy Leke to her house so that he could assist her pack up for her trip to the US. She would be spending the New Year there with her son and his family. So that left Mom and I in the house alone. She joined me  with her own food and halfway through our meal, Mom started the dreaded "Talk" that comes whenever we have the opportunity to be alone.

"Lola" she paused wanting to be sure she had my full attention
"Yes Mami"
"Why don't you want to settle down?" her eyes were pleading
I didn't say anything, I continued eating.
"Lola, you know I'm your mother and I'll be the first person to tell you the truth"
I continued eating but nodded in agreement
"You're not getting younger Ife mi. You're accomplished. In fact, you have it all but my dear, you need a family of your own to complete you"
"Mami, I don't need anything more. I'm okay the way I am" I answered her
''Lola, you're not okay. Ever since you returned from Lebanon, you've changed. You're not my sweet loving, soft spoken daughter anymore. Everyone's afraid of you, I am sometimes even scared of stepping on your toes and I'm sure you've been chasing men away with that attitude. What happened to you Lola?"
"Life happened Mom. There's nothing wrong with me. I just choose to make my own choices and live by them" I said losing appetite for my food
"There's definitely something wrong somewhere Lola. You've never ever introduced any man as your boyfriend or fiance to me. Or, is it that you don't like men?"
I was surprised that she would think that way and it made me laugh as I replied, "Of course I like men Mami!"
"Then what's the problem?!" she looked and sounded exasperated
"There's no problem Mami, trust me. When I'm ready, I'll get married. Okay?"
"Oh Lola ..." she started crying.

Oh no! I don't need this right now. But she continued amidst tears.

"Look at your sister, she's happily married with three kids. But you, you don't even want to try. Ejo, ni tori olorun (please, in the name of God), at least show me a man and let me be assured that you really want to settle down"

"Okay. Mo ti gbo." I said feeling guilty but if only she knew.

..........................

Evening

Nothing happened this evening. So as I lay on my bed, I reflect on all what Mom had said. This isn't the first time we're having this kind of conversation so I'm not really bothered. It'll pass as usual like we never talked. That's Mom for you.

Day 7's been a bit emotional kudos to Mom, I better gird up and wear my amour against tomorrow else, I'll allow more wins against me.