DAY 9 (LOLA'S 12 DAYS OF XMAS)

Morning

I had another bout of throwing up again from 8 am this morning. This time, I locked myself in my bathroom so that Mom won't catch me unawares. She would immediately sniff the truth if she caught me throwing up again another day. Afterwards, I brushed my teeth thoroughly to kill the bile taste in my mouth. I do my usual skin ritual and had a warm bath. I went to the in built mirror on the wall beside my wardrobe to do a thorough check up of my body. I locked the door to my room first so no one would barge in on me.

My stomach was still flat but I noticed a slight bump like I had overfed my self or was I seeing double? I turned to my side to see if really I was growing a bump; it was there like it wasn't there at all. I placed my hands on my breasts, feeling their weight. They were slightly heavy, not bigger than normal but just slightly heavy. My nipples were bigger and tender. All of a sudden, the consciousness that I was carrying another life inside of me overwhelmed me and I started trembling. I had a tornado of emotions running through me; I was angry, scared, sad and confused.  I knew then that I had messed up real bad.

How I did I allow this happen? I had been so confident and sure that my pills were working. I had taken an injection to stop my monthly flow for a while and it was when the six months duration had expired that I consulted my doctor to put me on the pills. Is it possible that just missing the pill for once could cause this misfortune to happen to me?

"There's only one way to this Lola. Get rid of it" I said to myself and started dressing up to go out. If I'm going to do this, I have to do this today.

........................

I had just packed a bag with an extra cloth, undies, and my laptop. I unlocked the door and stepped out of the room but then, I forgot my car keys so I went back inside to get them. Just when I had picked them up, Tinu walked into my room teary eyed. She had probably cried herself to sleep as well. I was surprised when I saw her cos I hadn't heard her open the door.

"Why didn't you mention any of it to me Sister Lola?" she said tearfully
"Mention what?" I asked irritated. I was in a foul mood already. My predicament was giving me enough headache and Tinu wants to come and add hers.
She sniffed and said "That you dated Darey back in the University"
I answered impatiently "Well, as you said 'back in the University', that's in the past"
"You think so? Oh my God! I can't believe I've been married to someone who sees you when he looks at me." she sniffed again
"What do you mean Tinu? Look I don't have time for this. I've got an appointment somewhere." I started walking towards the door but she stopped me midway.
"No sister Lola. You don't get to leave. Look at you, your life is so perfect. You have it all, you're beautiful and sexy, you don't lack anything, you can have any man you want so why won't Darey marry me? To be closer to you since he couldn't have you even if you dumped him. So, I'm like the substitute that he gets to settle for!"

I was surprised and disappointed that she would interpret things that way so I lashed out at her.

"Shut the hell up Tinu! Shut your mouth before I shut it up for you! Jeez! you are so selfish! You always want everything to be about you. You think I dumped him because I wanted to? I had to hustle so that we could have a life. Dad was broke remember? And he kept on falling sick until he died. Mom couldn't afford to give you an education so I had sex my way to Lebanon, sex my way to survive while there  and also sex my way to pay for my Masters so that you too could have an education. I was tired of the lack we suffered Tinu.

I didn't inform Darey that I was leaving cos he won't understand and when I returned, he had married you. What was I to do then huh?! Yank him away from you?" I was shedding tears now. Tinu looked shocked but I didn't stop, I continued. I just needed to purge myself off this anger burning in my chest.

"You've got no idea how hard it was to pleasure those greedy men so they could release their money." I paused and looked at her then added, "Darey loves you Tinu. I'm a cold bitch and he knows it. I don't love him, I don't even think I can love any man anymore. Not even a baby. Everything I have now, is as a result of the tough decisions I had to make and I don't regret any of it."

I leaned against the door to catch my breath. I felt fatigue all of a sudden. Our voices had been loud as we shouted as each other but I didn't care. Tinu took slow steps towards me and said carefully,

"I'm so sorry Sister Lola. I didn't know you went through all of that for us but you've got to keep that baby inside you and love it cos it will bring you happiness"
"It's none of your business Tinu. Stay out of this" I replied

At that point, Mom barged into the room with a dumbfounded expression on her face. She had probably heard the noise coming from my room and had come to check. I am done for.

"Which baby?" she asked

None of us spoke and she shouted,

"Which baby?!

Tinu quickly answered, "Lola is pregnant"
Mom jumped as she shouted again "Jesu! E seun o! (Jesus, thank you!)"

She put her hand on my breasts and after some seconds, she removed it and said smiling,

"it's still young but it's growing. Oh Ife mi! God bless you! You've made me so happy?"
"I'm not keeping it Mom. I'm getting rid of it" I said looking her straight in the eye.

Before I knew it, I felt a heavy slap on my face. It was so unexpected that I staggered and started crying. Mom started shouting furiously.

"Abi o nya were ni?!(Are you mad?) Do you think you are still a child? Do you know how many women are out there looking for children?! Lola if you do anything to that child I will disown you! Oponu!"

I heard the voices of Darey and Tinu pleading with Mom to calm down but she kept ranting. Then she shocked everyone. She called Bayo to bring the food she had prepared for me for breakfast, then she told everyone to go out, she locked me inside my room and went out with the key.

I ate the food and out of exhaustion, I fell into a deep sleep.
....................

Evening

I'm under house arrest. I can't even open the door to the room except Mom unlocks it which she didn't. I saw my dinner of yam porridge with some fruit Salad on my dressing table and ate it soberly. I'm brooding on what to do but nothing comes to my head. All I feel now is fear.

DAY 8 (LOLA'S 12 DAYS OF XMAS)

Morning.

I woke up this morning feeling terribly nauseous. My night was restless cos I had been feverish. I checked for the time; it was just 7 am. I tried standing up to go to the bathroom but I felt really light headed and dizzy so I relaxed back on the bed. I turn on the Tv just for some distraction from the way I was feeling but before I knew it, I saw myself on the floor of my bathroom throwing up. By the time I was done, I was too weak to get up. I stayed there for some time and dosed off cos the spasm kept shaking me up and I kept throwing up.

.................

Noon

I open my eyes to find myself on my bed. There was a cool towel on my fore head, Mom was beside me muttering some prayers under her breath, Tinu was just ushering the kids out of my room while Darey was seated opposite my bed and watching me intently. Our eyes met and he immediately stood up with his stethoscope. Mom noticed the movements and she as well quickly turned to face me whilst thanking God audibly now.

"Oluwa ese o! Lola, bawo ni ara e nsi?  (Thank you God! Lola, how are you feeling now)?"
I tried sitting up as I replied. "o re mi Mami.  (I'm tired) What happened?" I asked
"I found you collapsed on your bathroom floor after waiting for you to come out all morning. Oh! Thanks to God, you're alright" she was touching my head with the back of her hand
"All morning?!" I asked feeling too weak to express how baffled I was. I checked the wall clock, it was 2 pm.

Darey who had been standing aside and watching us talk cleared his throat "Ehem. Mami, please go and prepare pepper soup for her while I do another checkup on her. Don't worry, she'll be alright"
"Ok. Lola, mo pa da bo. (I'm coming back) Let me go and prepare the food"
I nodded then she left.

Darey inserted the stethoscope in his ears and started checking my pulse. Afterwards, he sat at the foot of the bed looking at me as if waiting for a signal to talk. I was looking at him warily as well then tired of the mind games we were playing, I broke the silence.

"Alright, what is it?"
He ignored the acidic tone I used and answered "What did you eat yesterday Lola?"
"Fried rice and shrimps. Why?"
He was quiet as he took notes on his tab.
"Do you think I had food poisoning? Cos if it's the shrimps, it was properly cooked"
He stopped and looked at me, sighed and then said, "No Lola, you didn't have food poisoning, you're pregnant. You should avoid eating shrimps again."

My jaw dropped down. It's not true, it can't be, it's impossible. I laughed hysterically. Darey was looking at me like I was crazy.

"Listen Dr. Darey Adeola, I had food poisoning, I passed out, I'm awake now and I'm alright. Thank you but you're wrong."
Darey shook his head "Lola, you're pregnant and it's nine weeks old. You should be happy."
I looked at him with so much hate before shouting "Shut up Darey! Shut up your bloody lying mouth! I am not pregnant! And let me not hear a word of this outside this room else, you're done."
"What is your problem Lola?! Aren't you tired of being alone?! Now God has been kind enough to bless you with a gift of child and you're here rejecting it? How selfish can you get?!"

That enraged me and I stood up as I released the pent up emotion that had been eating me up

"You dare call me selfish? You dare call me selfish?! You who left me for my younger sister dare call me selfish? You're a sick joke!"
"Really? You think so? Well first, I had no idea she was your sister. Second, what did you expect me to do? We were an item on campus for three years then after graduation, you disappeared without a word. What was I to do Lola? Tell me.''
"Even at that, why did it have to be Tinu? Why?" I shouted again
"Because she healed my heart. She made loving a woman easy for me again. I never even knew she was your sister cos you never introduced me to your family."

I broke down to the floor and started crying and Darey came around to my side of the bed. He put a hand on my shoulder and said,

"What happened wasn't anyone's fault Lola. Maybe God had other plans for us. I don't regret marring Tinu and I'm sure you've been happy with your life just as I am with mine"

I didn't answer him. I shrugged off his hand from my shoulder and at that point, Tinu walked into the room. I and Dare looked up together and before we could say anything, she went out again and Darey went after her. I couldn't understand the look I had seen on her face but somehow, I didn't feel bad that she had possibly heard our conversation. I felt bad for myself; for dragging out long buried corpses from the shadows of my memory.

.........................

Evening

I didn't go out of my room throughout today. Thankfully, Darey and Tinu had been quiet about the news of my pregnancy so when Mom had brought the pepper soup to my room, I didn't notice any change in her mood. She had stayed with me for a while after I refused going to the living room for fresh air. She had served me dinner again, avoiding adding any sea food as Darey had advised her. He had told her I was allergic to sea food so she made my dinner with chicken instead.

.......................

Left alone, I ponder on the news about my pregnancy. How did I miss the signs? I stood up and went to my mirror to properly look at myself. Yes, my flat tummy is same and my body still looked same if not, Mom would have noticed the difference but how did this happen? Yeah, the last time I had had sex without my pills was in October but I had used them as usual in November. how did this happen? Oh no! I'm not ready, I've never been ready and I don't think I'll ever be ready to be a Mom to some tiny being who'll be helplessly dependent on me for life. I can't do this. I have to get rid of this immediately before Mom finds out.

I went back to bed and cried myself to sleep.

DAY 7 (LOLA'S 12 DAYS OF XMAS)

Morning

It's Boxing Day and as I wake up, I pray that there'll be no literal boxing in this house but somehow, I wished I could see Jeff and box some sense into his legal head. Of all the things he claimed to know about me, he had gotten the chocolate gift wrong and that is completely unacceptable. Five more days to go and I'll see him then, I'll give him what he deserves.

You see; about Jeff, I like him. Yeah, I'll admit I do but not to the extent of letting myself go all for him. It will take a whole army to make me stoop that low for a man. I met Jeff five years ago at a board meeting. He had attended as the legal officer representing another major organisation to read through a contract that was to be finalized that day between both companies. I had noticed that he was stealing glances at me all through the meeting but had his full attention on the procedure at hand. After the meeting, he had walked up to me to introduce himself. I laugh every time I remember our conversation that day. I was walking to my car as he was talking.

"Hello. Excuse me... Hi, I'm Jeff Oku.  May I have the pleasure of meeting you?"

I had looked at him, head to toe to see if he was worth talking to. I was impressed by what I saw. He was tall and tall as I was, he was still taller than me by an inch. For a lawyer, he looked well built like he took his fitness routines serious. He had a handsome face with low cropped hair and a neatly shaved mustache. He looked well groomed and expensive but I wasn't interested. I still had Terry, my six months old bed mate and I was thinking of dumping him cos I was already tired of him complaining of not seeing me as often as he wanted. I had answered Jeff, "No." and kept on walking but he didn't stop following me.

"Okay. I don't mind getting to know you in the nearest future but I like what I see... beauty and brains"

I stopped and fully turned to face him before saying, "Now cut the chase Jeff or whatever. I noticed you looking at me in there. What do you want? To fuck me? Cos if that's what you want, I've got a fuck buddy already so, no thanks" I had started walking away feeling triumphant but he said things that stopped me in my tracks.

"On the question of if I want to fuck you, yes but, I'm not in a hurry. I've got other plans. Meanwhile, tell your fuck buddy to step down cos by the time we begin, three will definitely become a crowd"

That said, he put his card in my hand and said "That's my card, memorize my number so that when I call, you'll know it's me" then he walked away

I was again impressed. This time, not because of his looks but because of the way he handled the conversation. I'm used to being in charge and on the norm, I go after my own men. I select the ones I want and when I'm done with them, I move on but this time, Jeff took control of not just the conversation that day, but he went through the pains of chasing me. I gave him a hard time for six months but he didn't give up. Then on my thirtieth birthday; the first of July, he booked an all expense paid trip for me to go shopping in Paris for a week, alone. I was shocked. There and then, I knew he was my match. But, I had to warn him about commitments. I gave him my rules, I told him I didn't like clingy, intrusive men and he shouldn't expect that our friendship would lead to anything else. He agreed.

However, as the years passed, Jeff kept breaking the rules but somehow, I haven't been able to dump him cos, unlike the other men, there was nothing routine about us. We saw each other like four times in a month because of our busy schedules and we go on vacation together once in a year. He fit into the role perfectly and sometimes, I wonder if I really need him. I ended up allowing myself to let him stick around for a while longer but this year, I think we've been together far too long. We need to take a break.

..............................

Noon

I was at the dinning having lunch. Mom had prepared fresh fried rice and shrimps for me cos she knows I hate left over food. Tinu had gone to the movies with her  family, Bayo had accompanied Mummy Leke to her house so that he could assist her pack up for her trip to the US. She would be spending the New Year there with her son and his family. So that left Mom and I in the house alone. She joined me  with her own food and halfway through our meal, Mom started the dreaded "Talk" that comes whenever we have the opportunity to be alone.

"Lola" she paused wanting to be sure she had my full attention
"Yes Mami"
"Why don't you want to settle down?" her eyes were pleading
I didn't say anything, I continued eating.
"Lola, you know I'm your mother and I'll be the first person to tell you the truth"
I continued eating but nodded in agreement
"You're not getting younger Ife mi. You're accomplished. In fact, you have it all but my dear, you need a family of your own to complete you"
"Mami, I don't need anything more. I'm okay the way I am" I answered her
''Lola, you're not okay. Ever since you returned from Lebanon, you've changed. You're not my sweet loving, soft spoken daughter anymore. Everyone's afraid of you, I am sometimes even scared of stepping on your toes and I'm sure you've been chasing men away with that attitude. What happened to you Lola?"
"Life happened Mom. There's nothing wrong with me. I just choose to make my own choices and live by them" I said losing appetite for my food
"There's definitely something wrong somewhere Lola. You've never ever introduced any man as your boyfriend or fiance to me. Or, is it that you don't like men?"
I was surprised that she would think that way and it made me laugh as I replied, "Of course I like men Mami!"
"Then what's the problem?!" she looked and sounded exasperated
"There's no problem Mami, trust me. When I'm ready, I'll get married. Okay?"
"Oh Lola ..." she started crying.

Oh no! I don't need this right now. But she continued amidst tears.

"Look at your sister, she's happily married with three kids. But you, you don't even want to try. Ejo, ni tori olorun (please, in the name of God), at least show me a man and let me be assured that you really want to settle down"

"Okay. Mo ti gbo." I said feeling guilty but if only she knew.

..........................

Evening

Nothing happened this evening. So as I lay on my bed, I reflect on all what Mom had said. This isn't the first time we're having this kind of conversation so I'm not really bothered. It'll pass as usual like we never talked. That's Mom for you.

Day 7's been a bit emotional kudos to Mom, I better gird up and wear my amour against tomorrow else, I'll allow more wins against me.

DAY 6 (LOLA'S 12 DAYS OF XMAS)

Morning

The sound of loud voices, heavy footsteps, plates clattering, kids running around screaming and Yoruba Fuji music blasting from the stereo woke me up. What in God's name is going on in this house? I unwrap myself from my comfy duvet I had brought along to go and check what was happening and the moment I opened my door, I noticed the Christmas decorations hanging on the walls. I went to the living room and noticed that a Christmas tree had suddenly appeared there, elegantly positioned close to the 48 inches Tv on the wall. There were beautiful Christmas lights and tiny ornaments dangling from the tree and the house was glowing. I'm impressed as I took in the beauty of it all and what surprised me more was the fact that it was actually the kids doing the whole decoration while Darey was perched on the sofa watching them fondly. 

The kids saw me and together they all screamed "Merry Christmas Aunty Lola!". I smiled at them and hi fived each of them for a job well done before acknowledging Darey who was looking at us affectionately. He nodded back so I moved to the kitchen and there was Mom with Tinu  different plucking chickens and scaling fresh crocker fish. I greeted them and Mom answered with a bright smile and some words of prayers. Tinu came to hug me and then whispered in my ears,

"Ema binu Aunty mi. I'm sorry. Merry Christmas"

I hugged her back and replied, "It's alright Dear, we're good"

I noticed that Mom was watching us and from time to time. She would look up to the ceiling, and with her hands together as if in supplication, would mouth some words of gratitude for our reunion. Tinu and I looked at each other and burst into laughter. This was just like old times. When we were kids, Mom would have punished us thoroughly for quarreling. When we turned teenagers, she would lock us outside the house until we settled our dispute before allowing us inside. All of those things she did just because she wanted us to be more than sisters. 

You see, I had a brother; he was Mom's first issue but he had died immediately after birth and after Tinu and I, Mom had not been able to conceive ever since. So, her rule was, "feel free to quarrel but let me not hear of it". That rule used to work when we were little; now, she can't control us. But our Aunts can. They'll bring down the house if they found out so, settlement is highly imperative.  

 

I went outside the house and saw my Aunts seriously busy. They had brought out Mom's huge native pots, the two party coal pots and were also using fire wood to cook the famous "party jollof rice", assorted stew, and yam. Iya Asake was pounding yam, Iya Bola was turning semo in a big pot,  Mama Ibadan was turning the jollof rice in the pot with a huge stick while Mama Eko and Mummy Leke were attending to the soup and the stew on the fire. Bayo was busy running errands and also arranging some chairs under a standing canopy. The speaker that was blasting the Fuji music was standing close to the house building which explained why it sounded like it had been playing from inside the house directly. 

All of these activities are not new to me. The funny thing is, Christmas at Moms' always looks like a traditional marriage ceremony. Another interesting thing that happens is that after the cooking, Mom will dish out the food in plates that she has preserved all through the year and send us to deliver it to the neighbors who lived nearby. The rest of the food is served to more relatives that will visit that day and the next few days. What's worse? Tinu and I have to do the delivery ourselves so that we'll receive the prayers of gratitude from the neighbors. Oh Mom! Too many traditions!

..........................

 Noon

Everywhere was full; both in and outside the house and everyone was fully dressed in their full party regalia. Sorry to say but, my family's so extra with these things. The kids were the most excited cos our relatives had brought more kids of their age so, the more the merrier for them. They kept on running around as well as playing hide and seek.  I refused to serve anyone food so instead, I directed the young girls that were around to do it. I was wearing a very expensive black ankle length boubou gown and I was being careful not to ruin it. Last year's Christmas was a disaster. I had tripped on one of the cords connected to the speaker and spilled soup on my Dolce and Gabana dress. If that should happen again this year, that'll be it coming home for Christmas ever.

Mom's cousins who haven't seen me the whole year kept asking about my "family" like they were expecting me to have one already. I just kept my cool, giving all of them the same answer of "They are fine" cos I was tired of explaining myself over and over again that I've got just me, myself and I. Gosh! The pressure!

...............................

Bayo came to call me that there was a package for me at the gate so I followed him to confirm cos my office didn't have Mom's address thus, I was curious to know who would have sent the package. I got to the gate and signed the receiver's slip then I was handed a box with a card pinned to the seal. I skimmed through the words that read,

"Hey Lolly, some chocolates to keep you warm. 

 Love,

 Jeff."

I became furious. Jeff must be kidding me. This is the most expensive joke ever and I won't let it slide so easy. Jeff knows that I hate anything fattening and he had the nerve to send me a box of chocolates? I'm gonna shove it down his throat when I see him. I gave the box to Bayo and instructed him to keep it in my ward robe while I went to sit with Mom under the tent to watch my relatives dancing to the loud music.

..............................

Evening

It was really late before the house was finally quiet. The youths that had been around had assisted in cleaning up the house so, it didn't even look like a major "Owambe" had taken place at all. I was back in my room, refreshed and checking my social media accounts for anything new then Jeff called. I ignored the call at first cos it reminded me of the silly joke he had played earlier but on the third ring, I picked.

"The nerve Jeff" I said  

"Hey Sweet Pea! Did you like the chocolates?"

"Seriously jeff, what was the meaning of that? You know I hate chocolates and you had the nerve to send them to me on Christmas eve? Are you trying to kill me or what?"

"Babe, I figured you needed some sugar in your system. You've been stressed of late..."

"And how would you know what's best for me? huh?" I attacked him

"I know you well enough to know what's good for you Lola" he said sounding serious now

"Well, thanks but no thanks. I don't need that. I'm perfectly capable of handling my stress. Bye Jeff"

I hung up but before the call ended, I heard him sigh on the other end. I really don't need such in my life and it's annoying that he's overstepping the boundaries. When we met, I had made it clear to him that I didn't need all of those mushy stuffs that regular couples do. I told him that he shouldn't even see us as a couple cos I might not give him that hundred percent commitment he desired and he had agreed. Now, I totally don't get his new tactics. Too much care, too much attention, too much of everything; exactly what I don't need. 

I switched off my phone and laid back on the bed to sleep. A day without drama in this household didn't kill anyone so hopefully, tomorrow will be sane as well. 

DAY 5 (LOLA'S 12 DAYS OF XMAS)

Morning

Today's Sunday, my favorite day of the week when I'm at my house but my worse when I'm at Moms'. Why? you'll ask. Well, you'll know in a bit. The noise from the living room had woken me up so as I grumbled to my bathroom, I heard the familiar voices I have been dreading to hear since I got here. Mom's relatives are here! Oh no! I thought they won't come at all since I didn't see them yesterday. There's Iya Bola, Iya Asake, Mama Eko, Mama Ibadan and Mummy Leke; all of them big women (literally). All five women are my inevitable contemporary nightmare. They never miss Christmas at Mom's which is a tradition they had started to keep her company as well as assist her with the festive cooking ever since Dad died. Initially, I saw it as a good intention cos they had to leave their homes and come to stay with Mom on the 24th and 25th then, they would go back and return again on the 30th to help her with the cooking for the new year. Not like Mom needed the help really but, it was something they started and it sort of stuck. Now I call them my nightmare because, the only thing they usually hammered on during their stay is the need for me to "find a husband and settle down".  

As if they can hear my thoughts, the door to my room barged open and all five of them wobbled in, in the fullness of their weights and the next thing I hear is,

"Lola O! Omo da da! (good child)" Mama Eko the leader of the gang hailed me in her familiar boisterous way while the others were raining prayers and blessings on me
"Ah! Mummy! Ekaro Ma! I politely knelt to greet

Mama Ibadan the second in command took over,

"emi yin a gun (may you live long)
 owo yin ama po sin (may you continue to be wealthy)
olorun ase oko fun e (may God give you your own husband)
Olorun ase omo re fun e (may God bless you with good children)
ni oruko Jesu! (in Jesus name')
"Amin!" we all chorused

I was amused and upset cos I know what would follow next. I thanked them and told them I needed to use the bathroom but they didn't budge. As if they didn't hear me, they sat down on the bed and Iya Asake started her sermon.

"Lola, kilo se le na? (what's happening?) We have been waiting for the day you will bring good news that your wedding date is ready but till now, nothing. Time waits for no one o! Hian!"

Iya Bola that has six children all of which are married chipped in, "Even, at this your age, you should have three kids by now and later, you can add three more like me"

I had to say something so I spoke up with a serious face with the hope of scaring them away, but they weren't deterred.

"Ese my Mummies but, I'm not ready to be married yet. Asides that, I don't like children. They're a huge stress. If I have to take care of even one, I won't be able to take care of myself the way I like"

At that, they looked at each other in surprise before bursting into laughter. They laughed to their fill before Mummy Leke who is more educated and has only one child, cleared her throat and said calmly,

"Lola, children are gifts from God and no matter how much stressful it is to raise a child, they are the insurance that God plants in our lives to take care of our old age. You'll never know until you experience it. Look at me, my husband is dead but I have Leke who built me a house and flies me abroad whenever I want. And look at you, look at how you're holding this family together! You are very stubborn but you are a gift to your mother. You shouldn't hate children that way my dear"

I sighed. What a speech! But, I'm not moved. So, I made another attempt to bail myself out.

"Mo ti gbo Ma but I'm okay being on my own without a husband. At least, I have my own house, cars, a business that's thriving and a secure job. I'm complete and I'm not complaining."

Mama Eko shouted, "Ha! Oponu! (stupid girl) Who has been brain washing you Lola? No woman is complete without a man! That is why God created everything as male and female. No matter how accomplished a woman is, she still needs a man! Abi you have turned Lezzy ni?" She looked at the others and they all slapped each other's arm laughing.

I turned red with anger and then went into the bathroom and locked the door. They can stay there and laugh off their fat asses, I'm not having that conversation anymore.

..........................

Noon

It was the close of service in Church and people were coming to greet my family or rather me specifically cos after the usual, "God bless you Mrs. Peters" they said to Mom, and "Hope you enjoyed service Mummies" they said to my aunts, they would turn their full attention on me and bombard me with questions. Since I went off to University, I had stopped attending service here except on occasions like Christmas. It got really exhausting and I excused myself from the group to wait in my car. As I was walking out, one of the pastor's wife was walking towards me and on recognizing her, I tried taking another door but she called my name, so I went back.

You see this woman, I don't like her. She's very judgmental and she has a knack for scolding young girls about the way they dressed, walked, or even laughed in church. She used to scold me a lot as a teenager and had asked me several times if I was still a virgin because, according to her, I have the look of a temptress. There was even once she made me cry home because of the short dress I was wearing. It wasn't like I enjoyed wearing short dresses back then but, I was growing taller everyday and my clothes were getting shorter. My parents couldn't afford to be buying me clothes all the time so I had to manage what I had to church and this women right here made me suffer for it. So today, I'm ready for her. I'm gonna make her cry.

I turned around and greeted her, "Good afternoon Deaconess Peace"
"Oh Lola! It's good to have you worship with us again, once in a year as usual" she said and smiled charmingly

I noticed the sarcasm in her statement and waited to hear more before I strike back

"Quick one though, your gown, it's really short and I noticed it caused a lot of distractions during service. You should wear something longer next time. You know, you're a threat to some sisters here. What with your shape and beauty. We don't want to cause husbands to cheat on their wives now with you being a single sister do we? I hope you understand" she smiled nervously

Oh yes! exactly what I wanted her to say. I went for the kill.

"You know what, I think you need Jesus in your miserable life. So all through service, instead of you to look up to God, you were looking at my ass! You're just a frustrated housewife with a low self esteem who goes about picking on young women who's achieved more than you'll ever dream of achieving in your lifetime. The next time you see me, run or else, I lock you up for even sniffing the air I breathe. Now piss off!" With that, I walked away, smiling triumphantly. The shock on her face just served me a sumptuous lunch.

Thankfully, Darey brought his sienna car so, there was room for everyone to ride home together. I think I'm beginning to love Sundays at Moms'.

............................

Evening

The living room was full. Everyone was eating and gisting about life in general while Mom was really ecstatic cos I was also having a meal of Amala and eforiro for the first time since the five days I've been home. Tinu and I still ignore each other but we exchange polite words in front of my aunts cos if they got a whiff that we weren't on talking terms, hell will break loose.

My leg was healed so I was really comfortable as I ate my cat fish while pressing my phone then I heard Darey talking. I didn't catch the beginning of what he was saying so I had to pause and listen attentively.

"... Tinu made loving a woman easy for me. I didn't have to pursue her around town and for that, I appreciate her everyday."

Everyone laughed and "Awwwed" as the two love birds blew kisses to each other. I feigned talking on the phone and left the living room to my room. My chest burned so I went to the bathroom, washed my hand and then dialed Jeff's number. He had put it on roaming so I could reach him. He picked on the second ring.

"Hey Sweet pea!" he said
"Hi. How's the meeting going?"
"Going great. How are you?" he sounded concerned
"Don't worry. I need more wipes from the Victoria Secrets Store. Get five packs for me"
"Lolly, what's wrong? Your voice is trembling. What happened this time?"
"Why the hell are you so intrusive! Can't you just take a simple instruction and let me be?!" I screamed
"Look, I've known you long enough to know that when you're upset. you ask for things that you already have like the wipes. You bought a carton last month when we visited Dubai, remember? So tell me, what's making you upset?"
I was so pissed I hung up on him.

He was right. He knew me that well and it's annoying. I just wanted to let of some steam and there he is acting Mr. caring. Did I ask him for the concern? Oh please!

...........................

I lay on my bed thinking about tomorrow. Tomorrow's Xmas and the activity in this house will be crazy. I better start planning on how to escape.

DAY 4 (LOLA'S 12 DAYS OF XMAS)

Morning.

It's day 4 and I'm still alive, thankfully. Today's Saturday and everyone's awake already. Bayo's seriously cleaning the compound as is traditional for us to clean the house every Xmas period. Before Dad died, that responsibility fell on Tinu and I. It wasn't mandatory but it was fun as we used that opportunity to play around and also cause more mess which we ended up cleaning up anyways, with Dad's help of course. We would bring out all our old clothes, toys, books including stuffs we didn't need anymore in the house and put them all in a bag for those that needed it on the streets. It wasn't like we have so much but Mom said it was necessary to give even if we had little so, the tradition stuck.

Today, Bayo does that cleaning. I can't see myself doing all of that wahala anymore so, I had suggested to Mom that instead of giving out the old stuff, we could just go shopping for new stuff and then take then to the motherless babies home so they too can experience a real Christmas where everything smelt and tasted brand new. Mom had been ecstatic and had completely owned the idea. So, like an alarm clock, every two days before Christmas, she would remind me of the "Charity Trip" as she called it. I detest going to the market which is why I employed a personal shopper that goes to the local market for my groceries but Mom would never hear of it. For her, if you want to do good, do it yourself and do it well.

So, as I walked into the kitchen all freshened up for breakfast, I met Tinu preparing her kids's meal. She greeted me politely but turned back to focus on what she was doing or better still, ignore me. I answered her and went straight to the fridge to get some eggs. I felt like a heavy breakfast today because of the task ahead so I waited for her to finish before going ahead to prepare scrambled eggs filled with carrots, green pepper, spring onions, tomatoes and green peas to go with two slices of yam.

I was halfway through my meal when Mom walked in all dressed up as well with her note pad and pencil. She had eaten already thus she sat looking at me. I became uncomfortable and asked her,

"What Mami?"
"Lola, are you alright?"
"Yes of course. Why do you ask?"
She looked around her before replying "Well, Darey is here..."
"Oh..." I said feeling a sour taste in my mouth "ehn...I know" I answered keeping a straight face
"Lola, whatever Tinu said to you, ejor, ema binu. So ti gbo (please, don't be angry. Did you hear me?)?" Mom said holding her breath
"Mo ti gbo Ma (I've heard you Ma)" I said as I stood up to drop my plate in the sink.
"Ese Ife mi. Oya, eje alo (Thanks my love. Come on, let's go)" she said and started going out.

I picked up my car keys from the kitchen table, pondering on what she had said and then followed her out.

.........................

Noon.

Boundary Market was crowded. It was like a convergence of the world's population to shop for Christmas and that got me a lot of feet stepping, shoulder bumping and a lot of "Ah, sorry Aunty Oyinbo". I was pissed and irritated  cos each time an "Alabaru" (human mule at local markets) was approaching with a heavy basin of goods, I would see myself being tossed aside like a leaf by Mom from the road so I don't get crushed. The funny but annoying thing is, I don't know how she did it but she was untouchable in the crowd. It was like her big bombom was a defender against the pushes from the crowd. I felt cheated all of a sudden. I've got ass too; the kind of J Lo's ass that stays put forever but in this situation, it seemed useless. What a life!

All through, Mom kept complaining about the cost of everything; from the price of a bag of rice to a carton of noodles, oil, tomatoes, live goats, chickens, children's wears, shoes, and toiletries. I wasn't really bothered cos I haven't been to a market in the last seven years, since I started work at Trans International. So, I usually budget a million naira for the shopping and then I give another one million in cash to the manager of the Home. I do this for three Homes every year so, I'm used to Mom's complaint since the past four years we started.

Oops! I forgot to add, you see, Mom's very superstitious and it cracks me up every time she reminds me of what I have to do this period. When I clocked thirty,  she started panicking that I was still single without kids so, she decided on three homes as the significance for three kids that she wanted me to bear like Tinu.  Oh! there's another thing too! I have to kneel for all the kids at the Homes to lay hands on me and pray for me. She believes that the prayers of the children will usher in a good man that can tolerate my excesses. Seriously Mom? Oh lawd!

.........................

Evening

I was terribly exhausted by the time we drove into the compound by 7: 30 pm. I was staggering, I felt stiff with aches all over and so leaned against my car to feel my legs while waiting for Bayo to offload the foodstuff we had bought for the festivities from the boot.  I locked up the car afterwards and as I was about moving, I hit my right foot against something. The pain was so intense, I let out a loud scream as my feet buckled to the ground. Everyone rushed out of the house and were talking all at once. I couldn't hear them cos my major concern was if I had ruined my nails. I had and was bleeding. I looked at what I had hit and realized that it was the huge stone that Bayo usually used to wedge the gate after locking it. I became furious.

"Bayo! Se o fe lati pa mi? (do you want to kill me?)!"
Bayo looked like a scared cat as he stuttered in response "Ejo Aunty mi, ema binu. Epele Ma. Ema binu...(Aunty please don't be angry. I'm sorry)" he kept saying over and over again
"Gbe nu e dake jare! (shut up!)" I shouted in pain

Mom was shouting at Bayo to roll the stone away before someone else got hit, Tinu was saying "Epele" over and over again as she led the startled kids into the house while Darey was at my side helping me to my feet. I felt uncomfortable and hopped precariously as he led me into the house. Mom had quickly gone into the kitchen to mix hot water which coincidentally, was on the cooker boiling, with some disinfectant and  a towel . She was about kneeling and massaging my leg when Darey told her that he would do it instead. Mom argued a bit as usual but he had his way.

"You really need to rest Mami. Please, let me handle this okay?"
"Okay. Ese oko mi (thanks my husband)" she said and left

That left Darey and I in the kitchen alone. I was quiet as he busied himself with massaging the spot which was swollen and had turned an angry red now. Darey is a doctor so he knew what he was doing as he focused on the swollen area with an ointment I hadn't noticed he carried.

"You'll be alright now Lola. The balm will reduce the swell before morning. It will hurt till tomorrow but you'll be able to walk properly again by Christmas day". He finished but he was looking intently at me as if expecting me to say something else but I kept a poker face and nodded.

"Thanks Darey. I appreciate your help." then I got up and made to leave for my room but he quickly stood and held my arm but I cringed from him as I said,

"Don't worry, I've got this." I limped away
"Lola, let me help you. Please..." his look of pity strengthened my resolve and I answered over my shoulder
"Nobody can help me Darey. Good night"

.......................

Jeff didn't call again today but I wasn't bothered. I knew he was travelling today to  Dubai to meet with a client whom he had wanted to put on hold till the new year so he could spend Christmas with me but since I refused, he had rescheduled the meeting. Oh well, another eventful day it's been. Oh God, please tone it down. I don't even know what to expect anymore...

DAY 3 (LOLA'S 12 DAYS OF XMAS)

Morning

I woke up really early today. Feeling motivated from the idea I thought up last night, I did my facials ritual of course and went for a jog just to and fro the estate. Thought I should try it today and see if I can cope, it worked and I came back home feeling refreshed. I went straight to the bathroom, pampered my skin as deserved, threw on my black one strapped sandal that had some tiny crystal embellishments, a nude cropped top over a black leggings and a black kimono. I usually don't wear a lot of makeup cos I love my skin to breathe so I used my lip balm, applied more facial oil on my face to keep it glowing before going to the kids room. Tinu usually sleeps in Mom's room cos Mom likes the companionship. Me? No way. I'll pass.

The house is just a three bedroom self contain apartment I rented for Mom after Dad died and ever since, she has refused to move. She loves the neighborhood and thus feels there's no need to continue moving at the age of fifty . So three years ago, I bought the house from the owner for her. At least, she should have property.

You see, Dad wasn't wealthy in any way. Okay, maybe in his looks. He was a broke man, always sick, always in debt and never able to pay. Mom was always the one bailing him out and paying for his medical bills with the proceeds from her numerous petty trades. How did Tinu and I get some education? Well, Mom was able to sponsor us to Secondary level and me she was able to see through University. But by the time I was in my final year, I knew I wanted more from life so, I started the hustle. A hustle which I would rather never think about, ever. But it got me my Masters degree and several other professional qualifications and it also got Tinu through University. Tinu wasn't one to break her head over ambition so she fell in love and got married in her final year to Darey. Luckily for her, Darey loves her being a full time house wife and he pays the bills without stress.

As for me, I would rather be beautiful, healthy, wealthy, never broke, ever, and unmarried. Of course male companionship isn't over ruled but, I love my space and my sanity. All of these keeps me sane. Makes me the controller of my destiny and the captain of the ship that carries my life cos I can go to sleep at night with the satisfaction that I've got everything under control. I wish I could say that for the dramas that keeps popping in my family though.

When I say "family", I'm not just talking about Mom and Tinu. Wait and you'll meet them soon.

.........................

I woke up the kids, helped them to shower and dressed them up. Then silently, we left the house. I took them for a drive around the estate to get them in the mood for fun then I took them to the Apapa Amusement Park. They were wild with excitement, especially Tj. We spent two hours there and I was already exhausted. Seriously people, this is why I never want to have kids! It's a full time job! And the little elves just kept running around with me closely following behind. Jeez! I need a break!

.........................

Noon

I walk into the living room to meet chaos. The kids were behind me chattering excitedly while enjoying their ice cream which was dripping down their elbows. I looked away from them to focus on what was before me. Tinu was on the floor wailing, Mom was beside her obviously tired of trying to console her, Mama Ireti was sitting on the couch close by and saying so many things at once, Bayo had his hands on his head close to the kitchen door while Darey was at the far end of the room making a phone call. My heart skipped three beats not at the sight of Mom and Tinu on the floor but at the sight of Darey. Tinu saw me and started screaming,

"Where are my kids Sister Lola?! What did you do?!"
I was confused so I asked "I don't understand. What's going on here?"

At that point, she saw her kids and precariously stood up to rush to them. She drew them into a tight hug before asking them to go to their room then she turned and faced me.

"Where did you take them Sister Lola? You hate kids so where did this love pop up from all of a sudden?"

I felt guilty instantly cos she was right so I tried explaining myself as calmly as I could cos my nerves were stretched beyond limit already.

"Look, calm down Tinu. I only took them for some fun at the Amusement Park. No big deal"
"No! it's a big deal when you disappear so early with them without telling me their mother!" she shouted
I was exasperated already and so I lashed back at her "And why is that so? For God's sake they're my family too!"
"Yeah right! Tell that to the Pope. You call them family and you never allow them come close. You don't even allow them visit you cos according to you, they'll mess up the whole place. And look at how you reacted to Tj yesterday! They disgust you!"

At that, Mom stood up and said quietly, "O ti to Tinu. Don't talk to your sister like that. Hush! It's okay"

Mama Ireti was shaking her head with her arms folded in front of her then she muttered "Hian!" so everyone could hear and notice that she was there. The old witch! Now she's got more gist to store up in her well of gossip.

I felt angry, torn and weak at the same time. She was right but is it my fault that I like my space?

"You know what Tinu, you're just frustrated" I said

I turned to leave but from the side of my eye, I could see Darey looking at me with Pity. That got me mad so I stormed out of the house and banged the door as loudly as I could.

Evening

I was driving into the compound then my headlights fell on someone. It wasn't Bayo who would usually wait up to lock the gate. I was late and I knew it but I didn't care. The outing had done me a lot of good. It had helped me reset my mind and regain my sanity. I'm not pissed anymore, I'm happy, happy that I've got what I have and I'm not lacking. Tinu's just frustrated and I understand that. Who can blame her, she's a house wife with no ambition so I can understand her frustration at her inadequacies.

I got out of the car and was walking into the house then I heard him call my name. It was Darey. I stopped and mustered all the will power I had to look at him. He hadn't changed. He still looked like the Darey that had come to ask for Tiinu's hand in marriage eight years ago.

He smiled and said, "How are you Lola?"
"I'm doing great Darey. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to quickly go check my mail"
He looked disappointed but tried again, "Alright. About today, I'm sorry. Tinu shouldn't have said those things to you."
"Yeah. I'm fine now. Don't worry about me. But thanks anyways" I walked away.

..........................

I lay on my bed, scrolling through my phone. Today has been quite eventful but I survived. Whew! What a day! Jeff didn't call today and I'm glad he didn't. But somehow, I miss his intrusive calls and somehow, I need one of those right now but I won't call him. I'm alright. Let's hope for a more peaceful tomorrow shall we?

DAY 2 (LOLA'S 12 DAYS OF XMAS)

Morning

I woke up this morning feeling refreshed and famished. I immediately jumped off my bed to the bathroom to brush my teeth and as well do my morning facials ritual. You see, I'm a light skinned girl and a lot of people sometimes mistake me for a half caste, kudos to Dad. I look exactly like him, God rest his soul. Dad was really tall, elegant and handsome. He was quite the opposite of Mom who's plum, dark but tall as well. How they met, I still don't understand the gist but what I know is, they eloped at the age of nineteen and twenty. Dad had a lot of women suitors, like families who wanted their daughter to marry him but Dad choose Mom, his childhood sweetheart. They had to run away to be together and it was after ten years that they went back to their kinsmen to beg for forgiveness and to marry properly. See why I'll never understand the gist? I mean, how handsome can a man be to have women suitors?

 Anyways, back to me. I've got the most beautiful skin ever and trust me, it takes a lot of hard work to maintain it. Every morning, I literally worship my face with amazing skin care products from Estee Lauder and Lancome, my body treats costs a fortune but I don't mind. Afterwards, I go for a quick run. Unfortunately, Mom's estate is too small for a run so, I'll just have to watch what I eat.

....................

When I got to the kitchen, it was already 10:00 am and Mom was fuming with anger. I smiled at her and genuflected in greeting to her. I went straight to the fridge for my veggies salad but when I turned, she was right behind me, collected the plate from me and before I knew it, had thrown the veggies into the trash can. I was shocked but before I could vent, she beat me to the usual game by starting her usual long sermon that always made her feel like the victim of this harassment.

"Kilo n sie Lola?! (what's wrong with you) I spent time in this kitchen the whole of yesterday, preparing different types of meals for you but you didn't eat any. Now, you want to come and eat Ugwu (vegetable leaf) and tomatoes like a goat! " she stopped and then sat down heavily on her kitchen stool lamenting "This girl, ooni pa mi! (you won't kill me)"

I was really trying hard to control my anger but I couldn't so I flared up

"But I didn't ask you to cook for me! I told you I wasn't gonna eat all that junk you call food!"

At that point, Tinu walked in with a dumbfounded expression on her face before venting  as well.
"My God Sister Lola! How can you call Mom's food junk? She's only doing what a mother does!"

I lashed back in return "Yeah right Tinu! That's why you look just like her, FAT! I wonder how Darey keeps up with your weight" I finished and was about storming out of the kitchen but Tinu attacked me in the most vicious way she could.

"That's why he married me and not someone like you cos there'll always be something to hold on to. With you, he would have been holding on to thin air!" she stood glaring at me like she was set on a brawl. I was so angry that when I turned around, I bumped into Tj, Tinu's seven year old son who was coming into the kitchen at that point with a running nose but he hugged me instead when he saw that it was me and shouted,

"Good morning Aunty Lola!"

I was further irritated. That was the last thing I needed; a hug from a child with a running nose. I pushed him off and screamed, "Get away from me!" then I stormed out of the kitchen. Behind me, I could hear Tinu and Mom gasp in shock but I don't care. I'm already pissed. I mean, how could they both gang up on me and attack me that way. Is it by force to eat your mother's food? And to worsen it, get a clingy, slimy hug from a child. Gosh! I hate kids. I never even want to have them. Jeff had said on countless occasions how much he wanted to have at least three kids with me and I had simply laughed at him. That one is just fooling himself. Me! Children?!

I went into my room had a cold bath to let off steam, dressed up and left the house for a drive. A drive around the neighborhood will definitely do me some good.

..........................

Noon

I was driving into the compound when I heard my name but I ignored the caller cos I knew who it was. Mama Ireti is our neighbor from the next building and I dislike her with a passion cos she's a satelite dish with antennas that's always sniffing for news.  She called my name again and again from where she sat at her balcony then I gave in. I turned around threw her a quick greeting before hurrying away but the old witch wouldn't let me go. She stood up and rested her elbows on the rails of the balcony before asking,

"Lola omo da da, bawo lowa? Oko nko? Omo nko?" (Lola my good child, how are you? what about your husband and children?)
"They are fine Mama. Thank you" I replied and made to move again but she continued
"But you did not come with them na. I saw you when you arrived yesterday." she said in her rich English accent. Her husband's actually wealthy with all their five kids abroad so, she lived on the business of the neighborhood to survive from dying of boredom.

Exasperated already by the small talk, I quickly answered, "They'll come Ma. Ese Ma" and I literally ran into the house before she remembered that the black Toyota Land Cruiser Prado jeep I brought home this time wasn't the same as the white 2015 Infiniti Jeep I had brought home last year.

When I got inside the house, I went straight to the dinning where Mom had again laid the table for my meal. This time, I ate the freshly prepared catfish pepper soup and some oranges for desert. Then I went to my room to do some work on my laptop. I'm not talking to Tinu just yet. She has to apologize to me first and then, peace can reign.

........................

Evening

I had watched E! and some drama series on Ebony Life Tv after replying my mails, made some calls and checked the figures for the proceeds of last week's sales from my fish farm. My Manager was doing a great job and even if I hadn't been there in the last three months because of my numerous official trips abroad, every report he sent was accurate. Of course, he can't cheat me, he knows I'll find out as the financial guru that I am.

Lol

Mom had also come into my room earlier to talk to me about making peace with Tinu but I had refused. Like seriously people, why should I even apologize to anyone at all? What I said was right! If she wasn't eating too much, she wouldn't be overweight! Period! She has to come and apologize for insulting me about my marital status. In fact, I don't even want to think about it.

My phone is ringing and Jeff is calling again. This man. You keep violating the rules. Don't call me till I want to call you, but you won't listen. You're on your own Jeff. I'm not answering.

The phone rang like five more times and then I picked.

"What part of "don't call me" don't you understand Jeff?" I barked into the receiver
"Hey sweet pea! How are you and how did it go today?" his deep calm voice boomed into my ears
"Listen Jeff, I'm not in the mood for sweetness. My day was sour"
"You quarreled with your Mom and Tinu right?" he asked amused
"And how would you know that?" I was indeed surprised
"Well, that's what always happens on every second day of your twelve days visit to them Lolly." he laughed
"This is so not funny Jeff." I fumed but he was right. It had become a routine I can't even keep count.
"Listen Babe, go and make peace with them and stop calling Tinu 'Fat' cos she isn't okay" he sounded serious now
"But she's a size ten and to me, that's extremely fat!" I'm pissed again that he's taking their side
"Lolly, whatever. Just make peace with her okay?"
"I'll do it at my own time. You don't tell me what to do Jeff."
"Okay. I love you Sweet Pea."
"Noted. Bye" and I hung up but I heard him chuckle at the end

I'm not apologizing shit to Tinu.

Then I remembered little Tj. Poor him. He had also been at the receiving end of my wrath. I'll have to make up for it somehow. I have to make it up to him. I wouldn't want to have nightmares of some bitter kid chasing me with a toy gun. I'll think up a surprise for him tomorrow. Talking about tomorrow, it had better be drama free. But who knows? With my family, something crazy always comes up.

DAY 1 (LOLA'S 12 DAYS OF XMAS)

Mid Morning

I hate Xmas, I hate driving myself, I hate Lagos' traffic, I hate the fact that I'm going home to fulfill all righteousness of upholding Mom's tradition of family spending time together during Christmas. Dearest Mom, if I had my way I would stop honoring this annoying tradition cos trust me, the drama that follows could fill up a history book far more than the Cold War. Yeah, my family's very dramatic. They exaggerate everything and it gets really irritating and sometimes, I can't even deal. Gosh! that's why I ensure they only see me once a year when I've got to sacrifice 12 whole days of my precious time, putting my life on hold to grace them with my presence.

Oops! Sorry. Let me introduce myself. My name is Lola Peters. I'm 35, unmarried, very beautiful, classy and sophisticated. I'm a financial expert with one of the world's largest transport and logistics firm and of course, I've got my own fish farm on the side. I'm happy, I'm comfortable and I'm rich. Boyfriend? Well, I've got Lawyer man Jeff. He's alright but sometimes, I wonder if I really need him.

Anyways, I'm driving to Mom's now and the traffic is so annoying. What I still can't understand is how Fashola was able to give these crazy tanker drivers a 48 hours ultimatum to evacuate the highways and Ambode can't do same. This is just another reason I hate coming to the mainland. A thirty minutes trip always ends up becoming an hour's trip or more.  I've honked my horn several times but everything and everyone seems to be dragging. Oh hell! my phone's ringing again and it's Mom. I had given her a heads up about me arriving the house today and she's been calling like I'm driving all the way from abroad. This better be good.

"Yes Mami"
"Lola omo mi, ba wo ni?" she sounded worried
"Mami, the traffic is terrible but I should be home in the next fifteen minutes"
"Okay dear. I've prepared your favorite dish of semo and eforiro okay?"
"Mami I appreciate but I've told you before, that used to be my favorite dish but now, it's simply veggies, no fat at all. And besides, I'm watching my weight. So, just send Bayo to get me some veggies instead will you?"
"What weight are you watching ni?! You that looks like a bonga fish!"
"It's called being "slim and healthy" Mami. Just send for the veggies will you?"
"Okay!"
"And please Mami, stop calling you're making me nervous"
"Hian! okay o! See you soon Ife mi"
"Yes Ma"

Jeez! Mom can be so annoying. I always end up adding weight when I visit her so I had to make a resolve to stop eating her meals. It breaks her heart but, my weight is more important to keep in check. Oh Lord, make this holiday worth this stress and sacrifice of my time.

............................


Noon

So, fifteen minutes turned into thirty minutes extra, added to the one hour I had already spent on the road. I was fagged out by the time I got to the gate of the compound. I cringed when I heard screams and loud footsteps bounding down the stairs towards me. Oh no! they're here. My younger sister's kids; two boys and a girl. Tinu had married early and at the age of thirty, she still looked beautiful. I leaned on my car to keep myself from falling as the kids jumped on me. They're so adorable but they looked dirty and I had to gently push them off before they stained my white boubou gown. Tinu who stood aside was looking at us with a funny smile on her face cos she understood my dislike for dirty kids. We hugged after I had successfully untangled myself from the strong hold of the giggling kids.

"Sister mi, you look amazing as ever" Tinu said with obvious envy

I smiled fondly at her and said "For a mother of three, I must say that you look healthy"

"Oh please, don't flatter me. I've told Darey that if I find his thing in me again, I'll kill him."

That cracked me up cos I knew she was joking. Her and her husband were a pair  and I'm sure he'll be joing us soon. We all went inside and the moment Mom heard my voice, she rushed out of the kitchen and was all over me, checking my vitals, from the tip of my hair to the soles of my feet. I had to struggle not to continue rolling my eyes. Before I knew it, she was leading me to the dinning table to eat from what looked like a buffet. There was the legendary Efo riro, semo, amala, assorted meats in stew, catfish pepper soup, ewedu soup, and of course, a small portion of my veggies diced on a platter. I was baffled and as I turned to look at Mom in amazement, she shrugged before turning to call Bayo to take my bags to my room. Bayo, a distant relative of ours has been staying with Mom for ten years now since Dad died and I pay for his education just like I pay for everything that concerns Mom. I turned to leave as well but Mom stopped me and asked,

''Ah han! se oni jehun ni Lola?" (won't you eat Lola?)

"Ejor Mami, mo fe lo wena. Ese Ma"  (Please Mom, I want to shower first) with that, I hurried to my room before we argued about it.

..........................

Evening

I had fallen into a deep sleep after having my bath and when I checked my phone, I saw ten missed calls from Jeff. That pissed me off. Sometimes, he behaved exactly like my Mom, too intrusive for my liking. I wonder how we've been together for five years. I should have dumped his sorry ass long ago but, he fits the role perfectly. He's 38, handsome, successful and responds whenever I want him. Exactly what I want in a man. I dropped the phone on the bed to go back to sleep but it started ringing again. I picked it up angrily and shouted,

"What is it Jeff?! You've called ten times already!"
"Hey Lolly, I'm glad you're alright. I was worried sick" he sounded relieved
"And why were you worried?"
"Well, cos this is the first time this year you're visiting your Mom so I was worried you wouldn't remember the route anymore and might end up getting lost"
"Seriously Jeff? You know what, don't call me, I'll call you when I want. And don't even think about coming here either. I've got to go now. Bye"
"Hey, hey, hey! hold it babe" he sounded soft now for a tough man with a domineering height like him and it always pissed me off whenever he got that way.
"What?!" I asked impatiently
"I miss you already"
"Noted. Now bye Jeff. Later" I hung up

Dear Jeff, I wonder how I put up with him. He's always fussing and it's irritating. Yes, he cares about me and wants us to do things together most of the time but time is what I don't have for all of that mushy crap. Imagine him wanting to come to Mom's with me. Ugh! What a man!

I tiptoed to the door to listen for any sound but there was none. I quietly opened my door and went to the dinning. The table was empty thankfully. Mom must be mad at me already for not eating at all. It was late already and even if I ate, she would conclude that I didn't so, I sneakily went back to my room to prepare myself for day two. Who knows what drama awaits to unfold tomorrow? Right now, all I want to do is sleep again.

NEW FSWG SERIES TO START ON THE 20th, DECEMBER, 2017.

Hey! It's the holiday season and what better way to spice up the end of the year than with a short story to warm up your days and evenings during the break. So, Frankly Speaking with Glory is presenting to you "Lola's 12 Days of Xmas", a short series that chronicles the life of Lola, a thirty five years old Nigerian boss lady who's single, rich and overbearingly narcissistic. Lola is quite high handed and cherishes her space like life itself but this Christmas's got an entirely different package in store for her when she goes to spend the 12 days holiday with her folks in Apapa, Lagos.

Keep up with this 12 days of comic relief as we see Christmas and life in general through the eyes of Lola.

Spread the word! Cheers!

MY CLOSE SHAVE WITH DEATH: BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

Like Isabella Swan in Stephenie Mayer's "Twilight" novel, "I have never given much thought to how I would die; though, I'd had reason enough in the last few months, especially this week. But, even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this". This has been my thought since 10 am today, the first day of December, 2017. Today's incident has given me a lot of reminders about life that I had forgotten and just like Isabella, I've learnt a few lessons in the twenty minutes encounter I had with death.

This week has been rough in all manners and I've been taking it all in until Wednesday when I had a conversation with a close friend. This person understood my plight and had been trying to talk me out of my misery since the previous day but it seemed not to work. I had lost all hope that things could get better. No need for the sordid details of my life but this person knew I was at my breaking point and spent long hours on Whatsapp and phone calls trying to make me reason rationally about my decision to give up trying to better my situation. It was a phase I understood clearly cos I had spent long dreadful months already battling this particular issue and I felt, "To hell with it all. I'm done trying". I went as far as making a decision when this friend of mine asked me a simple question. I was asked; "Glory, what do you think would make you feel better?" and out of frustration, I said "Death". Try as my friend could to convince me to decide otherwise, I insisted that death would do just fine. That was on Wednesday. 

Today, I and Bestie were in a hurry to leave the house to see our folks and also stay till evening for her brother's Bachelor's Eve. We thought there would be the usual traffic along Third Mainland Bridge; thus, we decided to hop on a motor cycle, the popular Okada in Lagos. We were riding along Ozumba Mbadiwe road, getting close to Bonny Camp when the bike starting swerving in a zigzag manner, precariously. The Aboki kept trying to control the brakes but the motor cycle had a will of it's own. I was sitting in the middle and somehow, I found myself trying to control the hands of the bike man as well but before we knew what was happening, the motor cycle had somersaulted and when we landed on the hard ground, we were crashing along the ground for a while before it finally threw us out into the air in different directions. I hit my head terribly as I found myself on the ground in the middle of the road. 

We were all in a state of shock and as the hawkers on the street rushed to our aid, I felt myself trembling badly. I was numb and couldn't feel my body at that time. Bestie was shocked as well and sat on the floor on the pavement as she was advised to do. It was when I tried sitting that I realized that I had sprained my ankle and was bleeding. The side of my left arm had a bad scratch, and the skin above my waist was scratched as well, together with the top of my right arm. My hip hurt from the heavy thud with which I had landed on the ground but asides those, nothing else. Bestie had the same scratch on the back of her right arm and her left elbow. Because she is way lighter in complexion, the bruises looked really red. She hit her left ankle too but luckily for her, she wasn't bleeding as I was but she bled from her elbow. 

We were lucky because, anyone who knows that road knows how busy it could be any day. The miracle there was, no single car was driving past or was even close by when the accident happened but fifteen minutes after, there was a massive drive through of cars along that same road and people kept telling us, "Na God save una. Una know how many people don die for this road this week alone?". We didn't lose any of our belongings. Even the money Bestie had withdrawn earlier which had flown out of her purse was neatly retrieved from the road and given back to her. My laptop bag which had my phone, international passport, ATM card and several other valuables, which had found itself in another zone was retrieved intact for me. God saved us. We were able to get a cab home but we went straight first to Bestie's family hospital for treatment.

All through the drive home, I kept smiling and laughing like a moron and when Bestie asked why, I told her of how I had wished for death two days back but never thought it would come in this manner. Bestie was furious and scolded me for being stupid. We agreed we would do a thanksgiving in Church on Sunday to express our gratitude to the Almighty who had saved us from becoming corpses. 

The crux of the matter now, the reason I'm giving out this information is not to beg your sympathy or entertain you with my descriptions. It's to tell someone out there that words are powerful. Yes! Words, thoughts, and wishes are real. Be careful what you wish for as wishes have spirits and the moment they leave your mouth or mind, they become life.

Somehow, I feel like God saved me but allowed me to have a glimpse of what death looked like and how it could have happened. I still ache all over as I type but, I'm grateful. I've done so much to get to where I am in my twenty something years on earth and I haven't even started yet. I'm not done with myself, never will be. Although sometimes, it seems like it but today, I realized that I still have so much to do, so much to achieve, so much to be grateful for. I can't just leave like that, not yet. I haven't even been loved the way I want. I still hope to feel that. (Lol. Silly me).

But really everyone, hold on to this life that you've got cos it's never returned back once taken. If you don't believe, ask those in the mortuary. Never wish/speak negativity to yourself. Always be positive and optimistic for EVERYTHING BEST WILL COME SOONEST!

"I'm alive" as my favorite person, BJ would say and I do not take it for granted.